SMG4:// Exodus

Part 1: Ecumene[v2.0]

Ch 1: A Special Mario Bulletin

[3 weeks after Melony's recovery]

Avé Whippoorwill scuttled down through the halls of Omnia Academy. She was the sole reporter for the Student Newspaper – at least the sole reporter available at the time. So many of her colleagues dropped out of the assignment today after reading the names of the interviewees. One of their own was Coach Meggy Spletzer, a recent hire to the Omnia Academy Sports Medicine and Education Department and the only person who was able to scare that notoriously unruly department straight. The four Super Meme Guardians and Mario would be there; no one really minded the Guardians but a few of the people in Omnia Academy – and New Donk City as a whole – had feud with Mario specifically.

The kicker for Avé was that last name on the list: Melony. These past few months, her name was all anyone talked about on the news and in the coffee shops of NDC. Everybody, including Avé, was terrified of her. She was that familiar of Mario and Coach Spletzer who went crazy and fled and killed a ton of people overseas. She was never arrested when she was brought home, so the whole Mushroom Kingdom had been held in the grip of terror that she should go on another spree.

Her first stop was Mario: The Avatar, the great prince of the universe. Avé had heard that Mario was supposed to be the most vital and important person to ever exist. At the moment, Avé couldn't really find him. Was he supposed to be in the seminar room with the Super Meme Guardians? All four of them were giving a talk about Meme Energy or something along those lines and she would be able to interview them afterward. She was able to secure interviews with all of them today except one, who mentioned that she wasn't too comfortable in interviews. Out of pure recklessness, Avé had scheduled them all within the same two hours. That's why she was rushing around trying to find Mario before the period ended.

Out of pure desperation, Avé breached through the door of the detention room. It wasn't too commonly used, since most of the students here respected how prestigious Omnia Academy was. Mostly, it was the Sports Medicine department... at least before Spletzer took the job. In backmost desk, sat an Italian man built like a Cabbage Patch Kid, sitting neatly at the desk staring in no particular direction.

"Uh... Mario, pleasure to meet you." Avé stammered and thrust her hand out to shake. Her brain was trying to piece everything together like some kind of deranged conspiracy theorist. This was Princess Peach's husband, the famed Nuisance of New Donk City,... and the most powerful person to ever exist? Mario just craned his head, one starry eye blinking after the other. Avé nervously lowered her hand.

"Have you got any food?" Mario asked bluntly.

"Uhhh..." Avé set everything down on another desk and rummaged through her backpack for the granola bar she forgot to eat that morning. She tentatively handed it to Mario and he took it with no hesitation, even if it was the kind that feel like sawdust in your mouth. Avé awkwardly flipped up her laptop and stared at him without saying anything. Mario stared at her for a moment, confused.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Avé Whipoorwill, Reporter for Omnia Academy Student Newspaper Club... I'm just here to ask you a few questions."

"Oh? Mario's happy to answer, Miss News Lady."

"FIrst Question... " Avé wanted to start off kind of inviting, "You're the Spaghetti Man, right?"

Bullseye. Mario's bushy face ignited with excitement. "OOooohhh... I like you, Miss News Lady."

"So..., Do you have a preference? Do you have any advice for all the chefs out there?"

Mario sat back in the desk, kicking up his legs and waving his fingers around and looking super serious, "Alright, News Lady, I'll tell you the business here: The Real Spaghetti Business... I live for this dish, and I live by one simple rule: Puttanesca is for pussies, Alfredo's for asshats, and Bolognese is for Buffoons! If it don't got a S P I C Y meat-a ball, it's not the kind I wanna eat. Most importantly, Chefs, that pasta's gotta bounce when it's cooked. I don't want no limp, soggy noodle you probably broke in half before boiling it, you disgrace of a Cuoco Puttana. "