SMG4:// Exodus

Intermission: Endysis

Ch 1: Without Parole (SMG3)

The hard fluorescent lights are making my head hurt. They emit such an unpleasant cool white that they're making it hard for me to doze off. I don't know where we are or how long it's been since we left orbit. I'm in a long narrow gallery below the USB with no windows whatsoever. The walls and floor are lined with diamond plated sheet metal and exposed piping roams along the ceiling. I was expecting something more Sci-Fi from our yet-uncontacted brethren. Y'know: like holograms everywhere, floating staircases... not the utilitarian trash heap. God, They weren't messing around if they wanted to make us feel like we were prisoners of war.

Melony, however, is asleep. She's slumped over on Meggy's shoulder while Meggy tries her best to support her and fall asleep too. SMG4's trying to recreate that sword thing and failing miserably. Somewhere along the trip, he gave up and started practicing Transmutation. I can see him visibly straining with beads of sweat falling off his nose.

I stare over at the guy watching me, SMG4, Meggy, and Melony. He's ginormous and brutish-looking, with shiny rock-like skin; the word 'golem' comes to mind. He's hunched over, crunching on what looks like a rice cake. Suddenly, he glares at me and without looking away, takes out a shaker of cinnamon and dumps a metric ton of it onto the rice cake and takes another bite. I look away before I piss him off.

I never got that rundown SMG6 promised, so I'm stuck here, swimming in my own confusion. I feel like I'm at the bottom of that Dunning Kruger effect graph; not even on the line, just clueless and completely sure of my cluelessness.

The automatic door behind the Rice Cake Guy opens and SMG6 appears, smug looking as usual.

"Ohayo Gozaimasu, You Lousy Shits!" She shouts, "Welcome to Space!"

Melony wakes up, looking miserable.

"Sooo... How's the flight." SMG6 sneers, "Do you guys need refreshments? Complimentary Earbuds?"

"I want tomorrow's hourly schedule and a written apology from you," I blurt, "You... friggin... gremlin child!"

"First of all, I may certainly be a gremlin, but I am no child," SMG6 retorts, "I'm the second oldest Super Meme Guardian of the Ten. If Guardians aged at all, I would have been old and gray long before I even knew any of you existed."

"We just want to know why we're here," says SMG4, "...When the trial is, what we're even being tried for?"

"That's what I came in here to tell you schmoes." SMG6 smiled, looking genuinely happy, "There is no trial."

I couldn't hear the sound of my jaw dropping over the loss of blood pressure in my hemorrhaging brain.

"WHAT???"

"Womp-Womp!" SMG6 continues, "That's right! The only reason we told you that you were arrested was so that we could get you out of here as quickly as possible."

I'm actually going to murder this hobgoblin...

"We have to train you guys," she explains, "The fact that you guys went this long without contacting us and beat an Incarnation of SMG0 on sheer luck is alright, but Universe 4 won't last long if you only know Assisted Transmutation and The Power of Friendship or whatever."

"So... if you only wanted to train us... why did you take us OFF Universe 4?!" I yell.

"idk..." SMG6 shrugs, "Annywaaayy... you guys can leave the Gallery, walk around the Main Library... Hell, even head up to the cockpit to see the Vena Memeta. You guys gotta see that, it's freaking awesome!"

She slaps her hand on RiceCake's shoulder, "This is Benny. He's the Avatar for Universe 9 and my Librarian."

Benny lazily waves at us, "t'sup."