Sweet Thang [COMPLETE]

Queen of My Heart

Shayne

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick to my stomach and hot and cold and sweating all at the same time. Little whimpers escaped my throat even though I was trying not to make a sound as I cried. I saw Zaya's head pop up in the dark and she climbed into my lap to lay on my stomach and rub my head and I broke down further than I think I ever had before.

A long time ago I promised myself I would never let myself end up like my mother. That I wouldn't let my kids end up like me. And here I was putting my daughter through more than I ever had to go through as a child and I was hating myself for it more and more each day. "It's okay Mama," Zaya tried to comfort me but it only made my stomach twist and turn and feel like I could literally throw it up. I just shook my head as my daughter's little arms sat on my shoulders. "Use your words Mama," Zaya insisted and I just cried.

"Mama... we got each other. All we need is each other. Nobody else. Just us. Remember you said that? It's okay Mama. I promise it's okay." I bawled at the reality of my child trying to use all the things I usually said to calm her on me. I shook my head while squeezing my baby. "It's not okay Zaya," I cried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Suzette
Early the Next Morning

"I'll see you tonight, Sweetheart," Sammy said before leaning down to kiss my cheek. "Ight. Don't be too late," I said as he turned my face to make me kiss him.

"Ewwww. It's too earlyyyyy," Zaya whined and I laughed as Sammy stood up straight and Zaya ran right into his arms. "Good mornin' Zaya. Is your Mama up already?" I listened to them talk as I sat at my vanity applying a little Nivea cream on my face.

"Mornin' Pop Pops. No. She just went to sleep." I froze. "What? You guys were up all night? Sammy, you told me they fell asleep."

"They did," he looked just as confused as I did.

"We was sleepin'. But Mama woke up. I just waked up again... just now."

"Was it dark out when you went back to sleep?" I asked and Zaya just looked and Sammy looked like he really wished he could laugh in the saddest way.

"You want me to stay home?" Sammy put his hand on my shoulder and we made eye contact through the mirror. I shook my head to decline his offer. "Naw, go handle your business. Gimme that child," I said and Zaya and I reached for each other as Sammy sat her in my lap. "Ight. I won't be gone too long. Promise. Behave Zay," he said before starting to leave. "You behave!" She sassed and I just shook my head as Sammy laughed his way out my vanity room.

Zaya sat there watching me start to do my makeup. But it wasn't long before she spoke up again. "I love Mama," she said with a sigh. I laughed a short laugh. "I love your Mama too lil girl. That's my baby just like you're her baby!" I gave Zaya a quick peck on the cheek and noticed she was pouting a fierce pout. "What's wrong with her?" Zaya started sniffling and trying to hold back tears that were already falling. "Aw Zay. You know what's wrong witcho Mama. We just gotta pray for her. We're always gonna pray for her because prayer always works. And we have to love her. When she wakes up today give her a big old tight hug and a hundred kisses. It might take some time before things are how they used to be. But God will put her back together in due time. Okay?"

"Okay," Zaya whispered as I wiped those tears away. "Maybe we can call Godmommy? To help?" I pushed out a smile. "You know what... I'll call her and see what she says. Okay?"

"Okay," Zaya said with a nod.

I quit on my eye makeup and settled for the basic look I had already done— afraid that just the reoccurring thought of this conversation with Zaya would ruin my hard work with tears throughout the day. "You wanna help me cook breakfast baby?" I asked, watching Zaya rub her eyes like she was still sleepy. "Yes."