Age of Death (Taennie)

16

"JENNIE!" Haneul screeched ahead of me, but we both knew by now it was no use. She was underwater.

I scanned the surface desperately, trying to see something, anything, but I didn't know what I was looking for. Bubbles? Was that something people just looked for in the movies?

Half of a palm and a few fingers splashed out of the water just a few feet ahead of Haneul, and he surged forward and then dived down. The seconds that passed felt like hours.

Later, the only thing I'd remember was how utterly useless I'd felt from the moment I splashed my way into the water.

Haneul came up with Jennie in his arms. Her hair hid most of her face, but she was already coughing up water. I started to head toward them, but Haneul called out, "Just go put out a towel for her to lay on. I think she's okay, she wasn't under long enough."

I traveled as I did what he'd asked. He carried her all the way out of the water, even as harsh coughs wracked her body, and as he laid her out on the towel, he asked her, "Jennie, you can breathe, right?"

She nodded feebly, but she was trembling even worse than I was. I feel to my knees beside her and brushed her hair out of her face, hands shaking. Another series of coughs expelled more water from her mouth, but the ones after that were dry. As she slowly got her breathing back, i kept a hand on her forehead, my thumb moving back and forth over the center.

"Got my foot stuck on something," she managed to get out, and then let out another series of short coughs. "Tangled, I think. I'm okay."

"We should think about taking her to a hospital to make sure," Haneul told me. "I don't know a lot about what nearly drowning does to someone."

"I'm okay." Jennie repeated. Her voice was hoarse and weak. "I coughed it all up." She closed her eyes and took in a slow breath, and then exhaled just as slowly. When she spoke next, her voice was a little stronger. "Yeah. I'm okay."

Haneul and I exchanged looks, and I saw him relax a little. But his gaze held mine long enough that when it slid to my hand on Jennie's left cheek, I knew we were thinking the same thing. As Jennie kept breathing slowly beneath us and her eyes fluttered shut, I stared down at the back of my hand. In that moment, only two thought were running over through my head. Over and over again, back and forth, until I was sure that when i blinked, I could see them in sentence form behind my eyelids.

The first was that Haneul had just prevented jennie's death. The second was that I hadn't been able to do a single thing to help.

I moved my hand, and felt my rib cage cage in and crush my heart. My heart dropped and i let out a sob as, at last, the tears I'd been holding back began to flow. And no matter how many times Jennie murmured, "Hey, I'm okay, I'm okay, Taehyung," i couldn't bring myself to stop. I couldn't even look at her.

22.

___________

Dad sat with me on the couch for a little while after Haneul took me home. Chahee made me a mug of hot chocolate while she rubbed my back, but none of that helped. I didn't want to be home with them. I just wanted to be with Jennie.

Haneul gotten her parent's numbers off of her cell phone and called them, and by the time we'd gotten back to jennie's house, they'd been poised to take Jennie to the hospital themselves. Thankfully, that was just precautionary; she'd been practically back to full health by the time.

We'd gotten back, other than a couple of coughing fits every now and then. She didn't understand why I was still so upset.

I could tell that once Jennie was with her parents, Haneul wanted a chance to talk to me. Or comfort me. I didn't know. Bur that wasn't his place, even if he was the only one who could do it properly given the circumstances. Jennie nearly drowning had been a shock to my system, but seeing her number stil there, unchanged even after Haneul had saved her, had done the real damage.

It meant that Haneul was right. It meant that Jennie had never been meant to drown today. When her time came, no amount of planning would stop it. I couldn't stop it.

Jennie was going to die, and she was going to die soon. And there wasn't a single thing I could do about it.

_______

"Sooo.....certainly, nearly drowning sucks."

"I can't right now, Jennie," I sighed out, phone pressed I to my ear as i lay splashed out on my bed. "I'm sorry. Not yet."

"You don't have to apologise. I get it, it's too soon."

"No, I do have to, because joking is how you deal. But i just can't joke about it." I paused as my throat tightened, and tried to push the feeling away. "I just remember looking last Haneul and you were gone and we couldn't find you. And now I can't even see you."

"Hey," she replied. Her voice taking on a soothing tone that I hadn't ever heard from her before. "Hey, I'm okay now. It was a freak accident and I'm okay. I promised i wasn't going anywhere, remember? My parents are just a little freaked and they don't want to let me out of the house yet. At least they let me see you for a few minutes yesterday...?"

"It wasn't enough," i muttered.

"I know. But I'm just gonna take a few days to cool off, and then I'll be over to go on that camping trip with your dad and his girlfriend. Our double date camping trip."

I forced a laugh and wiped at my eyes. "Okay."

"Will you be okay tonight?"

I nodded, and then remembered she couldn't see me. "Yeah. Haneul's over right now."

"Good. Tell him thanks for the thousandth time for what he did. Even though I was totally just about to save myself, I swear."

"Jennie-"

"Okay, sorry, no jokes. I'll messages you all day and call you a hundred times until the weekend comes, alright?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The call ended on her end with a soft click, and I put my phone down and looked over at Haneul, who sat at my desk chair with his head in his hands. He shot me a sympathetic look.

"Feel any better?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. How can I feel good about this? I mean.....you were right."

"I didn't want to be." He avoided my eyes, picking at something on the back of his hand, and then asked, "So where do we go from here?"

"We?" I echoed.

"If you think I'm letting you go through this alone after what just happened three days ago, you don't know me at all. I carried her out of the water and watched her cough up a lung. She called me a nerd and made fun of my comic book, so I'm in this with you now." He gave me a small smile when i let out a weak laugh.

"I'm glad you're my best friend," I told him.

"Me too." He sat back in the chair and folded his arms across his chair. "We're strong people, Taehyung. This won't be fun, but we've been here before with people who were family. We can get through it again. And this time, we can stop being in denial and stop making lists and taking extra precautions that won't change anything. This time we can help someone use the days they have left the way they should be used. In a way that doesn't waste them. And I know it's morbid, and that it'll be hard, but-"

"But if we were Jennie, we'd want it this way," i finished for him. "I know. I can do it."

"You don't have to do it alone," he reminded me. "In fact, I'm not going to let you do it alone. If....." He paused and seemed to struggle through the next word. I was long past chocked up; I'd given up stopping the tears

several minutes ago, on the phone with Jennie. "When," he corrected at last.

"When she doesn't make it through the winter, I'll be right there with you helping you deal."

I nodded silently and wiped at my eyes. I could tell he meant every word.

A long silence passed between us, and i sniffled one last time and then told him, "Jennie says thank you for saving her. Again."

"Tell her anytime," he replied, and he sounded sincere that, for just a moment, he made me forget it was impossible.