Age of Death (Taennie)

19

Given that our fishing abilities were pretty abysmal, and given that I didn't even like the taste of fish in the first place, there wasn't much for me to eat one nightime. Dad built a fire in a put that came with the campsite, and I ate canned fruit, then roasted some marshmallows and had them with Graham crackers. At one point, Jennie offered me part of Hershey bar, then got a horrified look on her face and quickly withdrew her offer with a sympathetic shake of her head. I hid a grin as i took a bite of my chocolate s'more.

Dad told scary campfire stories and I pretended like they actually crept me out, all while Jennie cracked up and Chahee stared at dad with the same expression I caught Jennie watching me with every now and then. I toyed with the idea of calling a truce with her at one point, but then Jennie took my hand and squeezed and my mind was elsewhere.

We retreated to our tents go change clothes and go to bed. Jennie and I had simple steup: two sleeping bags, side by side, with my feet by the door to the tent. Our pillows were cold from being exposed to the air while we'd eaten by the fire, but the longer I rested my head on mine, the warmer it became. As dad and Chahee drifted off to sleep in their tent, the sound around us faded.

Soon, we were left with just the crickets and each other, Jennie facing me with droopy eyelids and a light smile on her lips.

"I like the idea of falling asleep next to you," she told me and burrowed deep into her sleeping bag like she was embarrassed, until i couldn't see any part of her face below her eyes.

"Me too," i said simply and reached out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. I hoped she couldn't see my hand trembling. I felt way too nervous for someone with a crush I knew was mutual. My stomach sank when i remembered what made our situation less then perfect, and then i marveled at the fact that I'd so easily forgotten, even for just a few hours.

"We should make sleeping side by side our thing," she told me, her voice muffled by her sleeping bag. "Like, forever."

"I think they call that marriage," i laughed, my voice a whisper.

"I'm okay with that," she mumbled sleepily. Her eyes fluttered shut, and i brushed my thumb back and forth along her cheek, just watching her.

When she feel asleep, i rolled over, trying my best to do the same.

Except I couldn't. Even with Jennie safe and sound beside me, i couldn't close my eyes without encountering some horrible vision of her dying a terrible death. This last week, I'd been texting Haneul in situations like these, but my dad had confiscated my phone earlier today to prevent me from texting my way through our camping trip.

Eventually, i gave up on sleeping and moved to grab a blanket and a sweater. Then I left the tent. I walked a few feet away, careful to be quiet., until I found a patch of grass near the fire pit, inside of which a small dite still crackled.

The ground looked soft there, so I laid the blanket our across the grass by firelight. Once I'd finished, I laid down on the blanket, hands behind my head, and let out a slow exhale as I stared up at the stars.

As if I hadn't already dwelled on it enough, I thought about the past week and of the revelation that jennie's 22 wasn't going to change with a large put in my stomach.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I'd been walked through this breathing exercise before, back when I'd had panic attacks as a teenager. In through the nose, our through the mouth. Slow and steady.

My heart rate slowed after a few minutes of this, and at last, I opened my eyes again, feeling calmer but not reassured. We were still into jennie's late-December birthday was getting way too close for comfort.