the underrated magician

the ending of a begging

I won't ever forget this morning. It's the most painful thing. The sad look on everyone's faces. I quickly go to say goodbye to animals. The tigers that Alex always loved. That one giraffe which always makes adorable face. The penguins, zebras, lions and so many more...
Alex had a hard time saying goodbye too.. he had a special bond with them. They were like band aids on his heart. He understands them. He knows how it feels to be trapped. And still we didn't help them. But it's not his fault, it's mine. I've wanted to do that for years and I still didn't do anything. I failed. They're gonna be stuck there till the day they die. They'll never see what's outside this giant tent. They won't explore what's behind the curtains or stage lights. This will cause my nightmares. I know they didn't even know we were trying to help them but still, I feel like a monster. With no feelings. This is what me and Volkov have in common. Being empty.
I was about to get stuff and go but I've gotten an idea. Something that will change everything forever. "Mr Volkov, as I'm leaving can I have my last wish please?" "If you want to.." he says with bored voice. "Thanks! So my wish is that I would like to perform a magic trick." "Sure if it's that what you want." "The thing is Mr Volkov, I wanna do it on someone... special like you. If it would be possible." "Uhm well.. I guess?" "Okay, so I guess we can go to the performance stage." As we go there, I don't know if it's the right choice. It's not gonna end well. We gather everyone. "What are you doing Sash?" "I don't know and I don't even wanna know. Hope it's gonna be alright.."
"So everyone, as I'm leaving as an ex magician, I would love to perform my last trick. Mr Volkov agreed to be the one and I'm honored to perform it on him. Don't worry Mr Volkov, it's gonna be alright." He goes in and everything is what I remember. Except it's not gonna be like everytime. As grabbing the saw, cold sweat gets on my face. "I have to do it." A voice says in my head. I wipe off the sweat and go to stage where Volkov is starting to get suspicious. "Grab saw." "Also Mr Volkov, I've got one thing for you and for everybody else there, I destroyed the circle." "W-what? "You've heard me." I cut. He screams. Blood's everywhere, it's on my hands, on my face and clothes. He's still alive. I cut again and again and again. I cut until his last scream. After that, I smash the handle of the saw on his face. Nothing stays normal on him. He has to pay what he did to everybody. He has to pay for what has he done to me. As I breathe heavily, a good feeling comes inside my body. "We're free! We aren't prisoners anymore." Everybody is happy, even Alex. We unlocked the tigers and every animal locked there. Everybody can leave. The bodyguards, janitors and pet keepers are also happy. I see what's outside for the first time. Almost everyone sees it's for the first time. It's so beautiful. The sun, the grass and trees. Mother nature is beautiful We all leave and say goodbye to us one more time. But after we leave with Alex, I realize what did I do. "I'm a monster." "What?" "I'm a monster, I've killed him. I cut his body apart." "You've had a reason Sash, I would've done that too. He kept all of us without any access. You've had all the rights." "I still feel like a monster. I murdered someone. What if somebody's gonna find out?" "No one will and is they will, I'll pay for my actions too. We've started this together. We end this together. Were team Sash and Alex. Best couple under the sky." He hugs me as strong as a human can. I found peace on his shoulder. It catches all my tears and stays there until I calm down. He touches my face and I decide to kiss him. His lips fixed all my problems. I look at him with sadness in my eyes. He doesn't know what's gonna happen next.. "My love, it's gonna be okay I'm here for you. We're gonna find your real parents and we will figure out why'd they left you in the circus. I'm sure we can do it. Together. "Yeah.. of course." I say without focusing. "What's happening Sash? Is it something about Volkov?" He says it with sadness in his voice. "Yes and no.." a tear slides down my eye while I'm saying it.  "The thing is, I have to find my parents. But I have to do it... alone." "What do you mean?" His voice starts to shake. "I'm too dangerous for you. If they find out what I did, I can't let them kill you too. And if you say that we go together, no. I started it and I ended it. It's my trauma and I have to pay for it." I also started to cry. "I'm so sorry Alex to say this but I can't be with you anymore. It's not safe. If I'll ever find my parents and get an explanation then maybe. But for now, I can't risk your life." "No! We find them together. We have to. It's us against the world!" "I'm so sorry. I disappointed you. But that still doesn't mean that I don't love you. I have always loved you and I'll always will. From the sunrise till the sunset." "Please, no. I can't loose you!" "I love you." I kissed him and he didn't want to let me go. If I could, I would just kiss him forever. His lips soft as heaven, warm like the prettiest summer day. But I can't. I push him away and go the other direction. I hear him crying. I'm crying too. But I have to go. It's for us. It's for our future. It's for my future.
Next stop, Rusvill. I heard I was born in here. They have to be there. If no..I sacrificed myself for nothing.
And that's how, I'm starting a new chapter of my life. Without anyone or anything. Just myself. And Alex in my memories. I will never forget him.

He was the love of my life.
I loved him and I'll forever will