the underrated magician

tick tock tick tock

5 more moths. 5 until I loose everything and everyone. I'm avoiding Alex as much as I can but it's not possible. He knows the answers.
Later that day, I get all my confidence and go talk to him. "Hey Alex!" I say like nothing happened before. "Hi." Oh no. Did I break his heart? Did I hurt him? "First of all, I want to say, I'm really sorry for... you know but I can't have anything with anyone right now. I would love to, but I can't. "Why?! Alex looked at me with tears in his eyes. "What happened to you? You've been avoiding me for month! You're acting like you don't know me, why?! Tell me what's happening. Please!" Tears got inside my eyes too. I started crying. I don't know how long it was but as I sat to the floor, he came up to me and hugged me as much as possible. The same I did to him. He calmed me down. When I stopped crying I said everything to him. That I have to go as soon as I turn 18, about the diary and about the destroyed circle. He was listening to me and as I said everything he said something that will make me smile forever. "It's gonna be okay Sash, we're gonna do it. I'm here for you." I didn't say anything and I didn't even had to, I found peace on his shoulder. It's us against the world.
We worked together to find a way to escape. I got to know that Volkov is Alex's uncle.. which makes it even worse. But it's gonna be okay, were team Sash and Alex. Together we can do everything.
Next days, we tried to get to Volkov's office and we didn't end up really good. We didn't get inside but there was something on the table. Some photo. We couldn't see it but one day, we'll get to it.

4 more months. Nothing. Still nothing. We can't tell anybody else, what if someone overhears that and tells either bodyguards or Volkov? We can't risk it. But the good thing is, we know what's probably on the picture. Small Volkov with his parents near circus. I don't know the meaning of it but it's definitely something worse.

3 months left. Tried everything. The only thing we got to know that Volkov always wanted a circus and his parents didn't agree. So that's why he's capturing us there? That's the actual reason?

2 months. Starting to realize it's maybe not gonna work out. Alex is trying to hype me up but no.. nothing works anymore. I feel empty. The only thing that saves me is the diary. It catches all my tears and pain.

1 more month. Feeling hopeless. We aren't gonna do it. It's gonna haunt me forever that I didn't do something. I feel useless. I failed. I promised them.. I didn't make my promise. I promised them better life. I didn't make it come true. It's gonna haunt me forever.

2 weeks and everything is done then. Alex is trying but I don't wanna do anything anymore. It's not gonna work out right? How naive I was that it's gonna work and we all escape. My mistake.

1 week and I loose everyone. I'm packing my bags when Alex walks in. "Sahs, what are you doing?! Why are you packing?" he says with fear in his eyes. "I failed, I didn't keep my promise." Alex wipes a tear falling down my cheek. "No Sash, you didn't. We tried. If you go, I go." "No Alex, he's gonna kill you. He's gonna kill us!" "If you die, I will die too. We're gonna die together. We started this together and we end this together." Now I'm actually crying, this can't happen. No. I'm the one that should die. It all started with me. It ends with me.

3 days until end. I started packing when Volkov came inside. "What are you doing?" "Packing my things. But don't be afraid, one day you're gonna pay for what you did the everyone." "Yeah sure!" He started laughing and I've got even more angry. "You ruined my fucking life!" Before Volkov could hit me, Alex walked in with suitcase in one hand. "What's going on?!" "And where are you going dear Alex? He says it with a scary smile which makes me wanna cut off his face. "On Sash's birthday, I'm going too. I'm not staying there anymore." "You're not going anywhere." "You think I'm scared of you asshole?" "Alex please, stop." I say with tears in my eyes. "My cute little mouses, you think you can run? Sure, leave but then don't you even dare step close to this mother fucking circus begging for something." "We will destroy you." I said with pain but also revenge in my voice. After that, he walks away with disgust in his eyes. But also something. Fear. He's scared.

1 more day until the end of everything. I start to say goodbye to everyone. I feel like shit. It feels like I betrayed them even thought they didn't even know I've tried so save them. They don't deserve it. No wait. They don't deserve me.

7 hours left with my family. I've been crying this whole time. They are too. We've been together for 16 years. They're the ones that care for me. Alex is trying to calm me down but nothing works. "You don't know how it feels, they're my everything." "Sash it's gonna be okay, I'm here for you. After we're gonna get out of this prison, we will find your real parents and we'll see why they left you there. I'm here for you. I was here for you in the past, I'm here for you know and I'll always be. Forever." He's my safe place. He doesn't judge me, he knows about everything. He's my Roman Empire.

1 more hour with my loved ones. In Veronika's diary, I told everyone to write something inside that I will never forget.

Medusa: Remember when we were little and I was jealous of you? Well, now you became my best friend. Sasha, I will never forget you. I love you.

Zach the clown: You used to make me laught when I needed it. I can't forget that. Nobody ever made me laugh that way that you did

Anastasia the acrobat: That one time you helped me on the stage when I forgot the steps I will carry in my heart. You risked your  life to save mine. You're my hero.

And so many more, after that, they wrote something that made me cry.

Please don't forget about us, you're gonna be in our hearts forever and ever. If there will be any opportunity to see us, we're gonna be happier that ever.
We will love you.
Always.

I don't know what time is it but Volkov came inside. "At 11am, you're gonna be out and not a single thing that will remind others of you can stay there. You understand?" I was just looking at him, no emotion, nothing. "Do you understand?!" "Mhm" I said with a smile on my face. How I love to make him angry. He walks away and I don't know how I feel. Happy? Sad? Angry? Confused? I'll go to sleep and just leave everything tomorrow. My family. They were the peace missing in my soul. They fixed me. Tomorrow, I'll be 18 and I'll leave everything behind. This will haunt me forever that I didn't help them. I didn't keep my promise.