the underrated magician

heart made of stone

As days pass by, I'm trying as much as I can to get to know Alex more. He doesn't seem to be bothered, he doesn't seem to be bothered by anything. "Soo Alex, how are the tigers? Are they hard to tame?" "I guess so?" And answers like this were almost every time I asked him about anything. "How are you?" "Okay I guess." "What are you doing?" "Nothing." No emotion, no smile, no happiness just empty look inside his eyes. Until one day that everything changed.
On his performance, everything was going well until the end. He was doing really good and everything till he made the wrong move. The tigers weren't used to that so they escaped from the stage. It was like watching a nightmare. I know how he felt.
Dumb, sad, mad. And I know why. I didn't hear Volkov screaming or anything but later that day sitting by the tigers cage.
What is he doing? As I got closer to him he did something with his hands. He was crying. I sat next to him and first few seconds we were just sitting in quiet. After some time passes by, he cannot hold his tears anymore and starts crying. That was unexpected and i didn't ever think he would show any emotion to any person. I felt sorry for him.
At first, I tried to calm him down by words "it's gonna be okay, I promise." It didn't work so I went closer to him and hugged him. Sometimes being quiet is better than talking. I was there for him. He felt safe and okay inside my hug.
I don't wanna know why but I also felt safe.. but with him. That feeling scares me but now, I feel like all problems will disappear one day.
After some minutes, he stopped crying and said "Thank you, for everything." I smiled a little. Hope I didn't blush..
After that, we were just talking. Which surprised me. It's like his heart unfroze. I don't know if it's gonna be like this forever or for 10 more minutes but I wanna enjoy it as much as I can. He told me about his parents, they died a couple months ago and that's why he got there. We didn't open the theme about Volkov but I'm proud of him that he is talking like anyone would. Hours flew by and we got tired. As I got into bed, I was having mixed emotions. Why am I thinking about Alex so much? Why is he on my mind right now? Why?
Next morning I saw him by tigers cage and he didn't seem like anything happened yesterday. The same, empty Alex. He probably saw me looking at him and he looked back. "Oh no, look away or stay looking?" On his face a tiny but visible smile appeared. Or at least I think so. "Am I blushing?! Please no please please." Whole day passed like nothing and as the evening came, we met again. He came close to me, my head was almost exploding from emotions and he slowly whispered "thank you, for everything you did." I looked at him and smiled. The tension, the eye contact, him. Was it seconds, minutes, hours? I've got lost in his eyes. After we realized what was happening, I stepped back. No I can't. I can't. I have one mission. Love isn't gonna fix it. "I have to go, bye." I said it as quickly as possible. Is he looking at me? Should I look back? No. I can't.
Weeks pass by and I'm trying my best to avoid Alex. I can't have anything with him. I've got 6 months until I turn 18. 6 more months and I have to complete what I promised. I still haven't escaped and I still don't know who's Alex to Volkov. Do I even wanna know?
I'm using Veronika's diary. It's my only friend. I can tell him everything. Every feeling. Everything I think. It captures mu suffering, my happiness, my sadness, my loneliness and even love. This diary is something my soul has ever needed.
I got up and went to hide it under the plank when I touched something. The same diary. I picked it up and went to my bed. As I opened the first page, the same name was there.

Veronika Anastasia Ivanov.

I've been looking through the pages, she also met a boy Volkov brang there. But this didn't end well.. Volkov killed him as soon as he made more than one mistake. This cannot happen to Alex. No. It can't. I will protect him. This diary was full of love, broken heart, depression but she believed someone will come and destroy the circle. On the last page, there was a poem.

His eyes are dark like a night,
I'm sure his heart wasn't made right.
He must've been broken when he was young,
someone did that, they were wrong

Why's he like this? Did they betray him?
It must've been something hardly seen.
Maybe he's kind on the inside, who knows?
But everyday the evil mask he borrows..

No matter what happened to him.
He's a pure evil ever been.
If someone doesn't end the circle,
We all die, it's really simple.

"If someone doesn't end the circle, we all die that's simple." This verse scares the shit out of me. There has to be a solution. And Alex will help me. I know it. He has to.