𝓐𝓵𝓹𝓱𝓪 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓞'𝓜𝓮𝓽𝓪 - Mark Zuckerberg x Barack Obama

5 - Throw My Troubles At The Pearly Gates

As soon as the White House rooster crowed, Michelle Obama was up and at 'em. And as per usual, as soon as she'd had her coffee she sat down to work on eliminating childhood obesity.

It was every day for 7 years. Day in, day out.

On the 8th year, Michelle decided she'd had enough. Turning on her favorite Mother Mother song, she took a long look at her reflection in the ornate mirror Barack had bought her for their last anniversary.

Scoffing, she took her lucky broken piece of glass and hacked her hair into aggressive long side bangs and choppy layers. Then she SLAMMED a jug of bleach onto her vanity and painted raccoon tails everywhere she saw fit.

The first lady took a needle to her face- piercing at random and not flinching once.

As Michelle admired her new look (complete with skinny jeans and as many belts as she could find), she still felt as if something was off.

Ah! That's it!

Snatching up her eyeliner, Michelle smeared it haphazardly around her eyes.

Perfect.

...

Muffled music blared outside the doors of the Oval Office. President Obama looked up from his desk just in time to see the doors bust open...

"I WAS LOST, NOW I'M FOUND, I'M SUSTAINED BY THE SOUND OF THE ANGELS SINGING ME TO SLEEP WHILE MY FEET ARE LEAVING THE GROUND"

Although he could only see her silhouette, Barack knew it was Michelle.

"AM I DEAD OR AM I DREAMING INSTEAD? A CORNUCOPIA OF OPIATES HAVE FLOODED MY HEAD"

Light dramatically shone through the windows of the Office and hit the first lady's face only to be absorbed by the darkness of her eyeliner. Barack watched in horror as she sang her song the entire way through, hating every second of what he was seeing.

After a freaking wicked guitar solo, Michelle smiled at her husband. "So? How do you like my new look?"

"Uh...Michelle..." Obama didn't know what to say. The truth was, he was worried for her sanity. Up until this point he had been firmly against lobotomies, but this made him question if they might really be for the best.

The first lady tapped her foot anxiously as she waited for a response. For her this would make or break their relationship; would he accept her as she was or refuse to allow change?

"Michelle...I just...what happened?" the president said feebly.

Okay, that was all she needed to hear. Michelle Obama propelled herself into a kick and flew across the room- the sole of her knee high converse like a heat seeking missile toward her husband's face.

Before her shoes could complete their mission, however, the secret service agents that had been watching in amazement jumped in front of the president and absorbed the blow themselves.

POP

What once had surely looked like 4 men in suits was now a pile of red sludge and torn fabric at the first lady's feet. She scoffed and glanced down at the ooze for only a moment before refocusing on Barack, who was sobbing hysterically at this point.

Michelle watched her husband for a moment. He was so helpless. The thrill of the hunt was lost.

She turned and trudged out of the Office, leaving red footprints in her wake. She turned back only once. Obama hadn't even noticed she'd gone.

...

After that the two didn't see each other often, save a few press conferences. Michelle had moved on to greater things.

She'd started a band- a ragtag bunch of misfits called The Great Pestilence. Because of the notoriety of its band members, the band quickly rose to fame and conquered the charts with their hit single, Dip Spit (Oh Yeah).

On the day Trump was elected, the band gained a new member- a hot blonde that went by the name of Rotten Avalanche (previously known as Hillary Clinton).

So on and so forth until the band was filled to the brim with controversial politicians, celebrities, and CEOs.

One night during the final leg of The Great Pestilence World Tour (ft. Hollywood Undead, ABBA, and The Front Bottoms), Michelle got a notification on her sparkly red flip phone.

A tweet from her estranged husband- a picture of him and a strangley uncanny yet beautiful man captioned "Having fun with my honey! #BaeGoals"

With a loud shatter that could be heard throughout the chattering concert venue of over 500,000 people, Michelle crushed her phone in her hand.

A hush fell over the crowd as the former first lady stormed out on stage.

"YOU ALL KNOW MY HUSBAND"

Cries of joy and distaste alike filled the hall.

"BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT HE CONDEMNED ME TO," she continued to the audience's confused murmurs. "HE TRAPPED ME IN AN ENDLESS CYCLE OF PUBLICITY...AND NOW WHAT DOES HE DO? GIVE ME A BEAT!"

The crowd stirred as Ellen Degeneres began a little ditty on her GIGANTIC drum set.

"YOUR FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA...IS ON A DATE RIGHT NOW! RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT!"

Screams of shock and horror from even the furthest reaches of the venue rang out as Matt Rife joined in on the bass.

"GET OUT YOUR PHONES! CHECK YOUR TWITTER! ALL OF YOU!" Michelle roared over the screeches of fury now rising from the newly formed mosh pit.

"It's called X now," Elon Musk remarked sheepishly while playing the most insane guitar riff that anyone could ever hear.

"ALTHOUGH I NO LONGER ASSOCIATE WITH MY HUSBAND, AS LONG AS WE BOTH ARE WED I AM FAITHFUL! NEVER ONCE HAVE I GLANCED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, AND NEVER WILL I UNTIL IT IS OFFICIAL!"

At this point the crowd was losing their minds. How could he? Michelle was the heartthrob of the U.S. with her iconic style and killer voice- who would DARE cheat? And with HIM? That...THING?!

The mosh pit killed 9 people that night.

1003 Words
A much awaited part 5 after the nightmare that was part 4.