That night she kept quiet and didn't tried to stop me. She let me do anything what I want. But even though she didn't do or said anything, I knew she don't want it and she was frightened.
Staring blankly at the ceiling my mind went to a complete blank. What will happen next day, what If she might tell our parents, what will they do to me, those questions didn't came to my mind. All I could think about was.. well, the girl beside me. How I seen all of her tonight, how I felt her warm body underneath me. She's really beautiful.
I shifted and propped myself with my elbow as I looked to my right where her back is facing me. I lifted my arm to touch her soft blonde hair but then I frowned when I felt her body stiffened. I guess she's still awake. Taking a deep breath I sat up and went to kiss her hair mumbling a 'goodnight' before I stood up and walked out of her room.
Goodnight. That doesn't sound right. I should've only said 'night' instead of 'goodnight'. It's clear that there wasn't any good to her night. No, nothing was good. Nothing will be good.
I blinked and opened my eyes as the ray of sunlight touched my face. Yawning I sat up wearily and tried to recall what happened last night.
"Right.." I mumbled when I remembered.
I opened the door and the smell of apple cinnamon french toast filled my nostrils. With the smell making me hungry, although I never liked cinnamon I walked downstairs in the kitchen. I then saw Gabrielle- head down, quietly eating her breakfast with Allen and Jaslene who's playing with her food making my, I mean Gabrielle's mom frown. I looked at her for a second and noticed that she's already in her uniform. I turned to look at the wall clock, 'it's still too early.' I thought.
"Ren, come have a seat, eat your breakfast." Nadia said to me and motioned me to sit down.
Suddenly Gabrielle looked up and I met emerald eyes. Like someone had set fire in her chair, she looked away, took her bag under the table and quickly stood up "Um, m-mom I have to go now." she stammered
"Why so early?" Nadia asked after taking a sip at her coffee as she leaned at the kitchen counter.
"I had to come by at Hanna's house first, bye." She said then kissed Nadia in the cheeks and walked right pass me not even giving me a glance nor a goodmorning. I won't even wonder why.
Silently I took a seat next to Allen and started eating breakfast.
______
It has been two weeks since what happened. And what I feel is worse than when I haven't told her that I love her. Or let's say expressed that I love her.
Now she never looked at me or talk to me 'Of course she won't talk to you, you raped her!' and I never seen her smile then. Her beautiful smile, whenever she smile at our parents now, I know she was faking it.
Today I went downtown to Star Creations a bookstore where I'm a regular customer. As I was looking at the 'Literature' section I saw Keiko, a half japanese smartie-hottie in our school. She asked me if I was doing alright because I look really terrible pointing at the bags under my eyes. I said I was okay just not getting enough sleep. Not getting enough sleep because of one specific reason. She was right though, I look really terrible. Tired and looking stress.
Now we're here eating dinner quietly as our parents made a little talk. I glance at her once again but still her head was down. I shouldn't have done that. I raped my little sister. No person in their right mind would do that. What's wrong with me?
