How to save a mess worth saving

I cry for help

Her skin was no longer stained by the crimson red of her blood and her scars had finally gone. It had been 3 days without a single cut on the pretty little skin but I didn't like that, I wanted her to feel pain. I wanted her to hurt herself. 

 Her perspective 

 Everything had been going bad still but I craved the idea of hurting more and more by the second. I hated it, the idea of cutting my own flesh but I loved it even more. The sweet snapshot of slicing threw your own flash makes me feel ... Crazy... And I loved it. 

 Mum had to go to work early this morning so I was left for myself to wallow in self pity and decide to get out of the house for the next 6 hours or actually go to school. But first I had some business to deal with.

I went into the bathroom and grabbed out my razor. It only occurred to me just now that this simple tool that made so many lives easier could ruin my life with one simple slice to my wrist. But I didn't care about that now, I only had one thing on my mind. 

 I sliced and sliced until crimson was spilling out of every cut. But now I was finally done.

Not her perspectiveShe was a strange one, having so many emotions, even know all she wanted was to cut them all out of her life. Who knows what one her mind will spit out next. I'm thinking something sad... 

 Her perspective

 I looked at me wrist expecting to feel that great joy that I had longed for but I didn't feel joy. I only feel horror, sadness ... Ugly. I hated how my wrist look I looked at me wrist expecting to feel that great joy that I had longed for. I thought that I would like it. Red dripping from my wrist showing everyone that this is what they did to me.

I collapsed on the floor as my legs could not hold up my weight, nor could it hold up some indescribable weight forcing me down to a point of deadly proportions. As I stay silent on the floor looking down with my eyes shut holding my wrist, wishing for these wounds to heal, I herd nothing, no one coming to my rescue, no one coming to slap sense into me, I herd nothing... 

 I hated the silence, it felt like it was trapping me, no escape, no help, no getting out. In am attempt to get this horrid silence away I scream at the top of my lungs- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!

 I was a monster, I scared myself. I hated the fact that I thought that this shitty way to get out of my problems was to cut my own flesh open thinking that it will get my issues to just get up and leave.I began to shake, violently, like there was something hiding behind me waiting for me to be off my guard and than to strike but the only thing that was making me shake was me. 

I had to get out of here, I wrapped a bandage on my wrist and put on some jeans and my hoodie and walked out the door.I walked for a while, still shaking with every step I took but I just kept walking. I was looking around at any little thing to calm my mind to put me at ease and after many long breaths I finally calmed down. 

I found a park bench to sit on and just slumped down in it for a while. Everything looked so beautiful, so calm, so vibrant and bright and it was silent, but I liked this type of silence. It wasn't the constricting silence that made you feel like your lungs will collapses but this silence was the type that made you feel like your whole life is ahead of you and no one was around to stop you. I cool breeze flushed across my face causing my eyes to shut. 

 I'm an idiot, I said to myself opening my eyes. Everything was so beautiful and yet I'm hear thinking that my life is absolute shit, I'm going to do something about this... NOW...