Carapace of a Life

Prologue

Dark, heartless eyes haunt my mind. I long to escape their grasp but they hold on too strongly. I scream but no sound escapes my throat. Am I gagged? I wonder. I slowly move my hand to my mouth and what I feel causes my heart to speed up. My lips are stitched shut.

My eyes open in panic and all I can do is sob. I am now in my room and the sun is shining through my windows. But the sunlight doesn't bring happiness to me like it once did, it mocks me. New tears threaten to escape my eyes but I breathe deeply and get up off the bed. My sheets lay on the ground haphazardly like a tornado had passed a few seconds ago.

Reality slowly kicked in, I have to get ready for school. I have to put on my mask and pretend my life is normal. I slowly made my way to the bathroom and locked both doors, remembering my sister's room connects to it as well. I slowly undressed being careful not to further in-flame the scars on my ribs from last night.

I stare at the now faint scars on my thighs and wonder how many there were. I think they depicted years of torment; years of which I had been betrayed and broken. But those years are a blur to me. The only thing I knew is, I had recovered from those and maybe from my past. The fresh ones on my ribs were from when I have my nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night in pain and see myself grab a razor and slash over and over. The long forgotten past was gone.

This old story was hidden deep into my light brown eyes. My subconscious screamed for them to be released but my mouth is shut.

I turned the faucet, jumping into the shower. The icy cold water flowed down my body, stinging the scars from last night and forcing the water to turn a pinkish red color. I closed my eyes attempting to relax from the stinging sensation. I don't quite know how long I stood there for but after a while a knock interrupted my calmness.

"Hurry up! I have to take a shower too you know! The bathroom isn't only yours you know! I have to go to work!" I grabbed the soap and spread it all over my body wincing at the strong stinging sensation brought on from the soap touching my fresh wounds. Tears were beginning to escape my eyes but I ignored them, rinsing off as quickly as I could. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body.

"You can go now!" I yelled closing the door that connects to my room behind me. In a few seconds I heard her lock the door and start the shower. I dropped my towel and decided to wrap it on my hair so it would stop dripping all over the carpet. I walked around my room in search of my iPod. Once I found it on the floor next to my bed. I remembered listening to it to fall asleep.

The song that was playing was "Imaginary" by Evanescence. I placed it on my purple speakers and put the music to full blast, taking my time to start the song from the beginning. Her beautifully haunting voice filled the room. I sang along looking for what to wear today. Nothing seemed to spark any interest so I just grabbed a grey V-neck shirt and some skinny jeans. I rummaged through my drawers looking for a bra and panties not finding any that matched. Oh well, it isn't like anyone is going to see them anyways. I swear sometimes my OCD gets the best of me.

I get dressed and then start a hunt for my flats. The closet was no luck so I searched under my bed and found them. My room was getting messy and I made a mental note to clean it when I got home from classes.

I walked over to the mirror contemplating on whether to wear some make up or not. Eh, why not. I looked inside my dark green box and pulled out all the essentials. Before I proceeded with the make-up I stared at the girl in the mirror; she stared back with empty eyes. Her face was pale and her hair as white as ash. She had full lips with some weird scars all along them and a thin nose.

I began placing the make up on my face and decided on my signature red eye shadow. I made my lips almost white and then placed a little mascara on my eyelashes. Satisfied I moved on to my cheek bones. I got my blush brush, rubbing it softly on the yellowish-gold blush and softy massaged it across my cheek bones. I was lucky and the only one in my family to have been blessed with high cheek bones. So I made it my mission to show them off whenever I felt in the mood to.

My hair was a different story. It always looked like a birds nest when I wake up. I dropped the towel on the ground and grabbed my brush, furiously running it through my hair to rid it of its knots. Once I was satisfied by its soft texture I grabbed my tiny conditioner bottle, put a pea size drop, rubbed my hands together and massaged it through my hair.

Once done, I squirt some hand-sanitizer on my hands and air dried them not wanting my fingers to be sticky from the conditioner. I grabbed my backpack, iPod, and jacket. Before running out the door I stared at myself in the mirror. The foundation really hid the dark circles from the many sleepless nights.

Oh how I long to remember how my life used to be before high school...