Carapace of a Life

Jeremy

I put my silver friend away and took a quick shower. I relaxed for a little then realized I had left my dress in Jeremy's car...shit... I put on my pajama and sandals and made my way over to his house. The night had turned a little chilly and it was relaxing. Once I got over to the house I grabbed my phone and texted Jeremy if he could unlock his car so I can get my dress. I was trying not to see him... honestly he made me feel a little weird.

To my dismay he decided to come outside. He unlocked the car and searched inside handing me the bag after a few seconds. His hand brushed against mine and I felt a slight tingle what the hell... "Let me walk you to your house. It's too dark for you to be out this late." I wanted to say no but some internal force stopped me. He locked his car and we made our way to my house. "This weather makes me miss home..." I smiled imagining days like those all the time, how happy I would be.

How long have you been self-harming yourself?

How did you...?

He lifts up his long sleeve; I stop walking and look at his arm...a few white vertical scars. I look at him and he nods. I move my shaking hands along his scars... they were once really deep, I gave him a questioning look...he sighed and sat on the curve.

I had a friend for many years that was constantly getting bullied. I would try to help but he would put a wall between us and pretend he was fine. One day he decided he was done with everything. He wrote a letter to me and his mom; took a towel, walked over to the train tracks and laid down with the towel over his head...then he just waited for the train to pass over him...the conductor didn't have a chance to even stop.

He began sobbing and I wrapped my arms around him trying to make him feel a little better. I didn't know how to comfort someone. Hell the only thing I did to comfort myself was cut... His sobbing was beginning to slow down after a while. I covered my hands with my long sleeve and wiped at his eyes surprised he even let me touch him when he was so vulnerable. He opened his eyes staring into my eyes. "Your eyes...they have a deep sadness within them..."

I looked down...how can he see all this... He grabbed my chin softly lifting my face to look at him. "How did you know I..." he gave me a grave smile. "Unfortunately I was cursed with being able to see when someone is suffering. I don't know how but I can just sense it...after my friend..." He stopped speaking and just stared into my eyes again.

He touched my cheek softly and I closed my eyes letting his soft hands touch and familiarize itself with my face. "You're so beautiful..." my heart was fluttering and my stomach was full of butterflies. Why am I having this effect...how is it possible when I'm in love with his brother...

I open my eyes and look at him. Part of me wanted to close that space...part of me wanted to be in love with him rather than his brother. But the other part of me thought that I was feeling this way because he was so like his brother...but his brother never noticed the things Jeremy saw... he licked his lip and I bit mine. I felt my heart speed up as I noticed his eyes looking at my lips. There was a wanting in his eyes...a wanting to kiss me...

He moved closer and I closed my eyes waiting.. instead of my lips he kissed my forehead softly. I opened my eyes embarrassed that I thought he was going to kiss my lips. "Maybe another time...maybe when you aren't in love with my brother..." I blushed not knowing what to even say.

"Honestly he's an idiot...I don't understand how he could be so blind to how you feel towards him..." I looked away not knowing what to say. I moved my knees closer to my chest ...it was beginning to get a little colder. I shrugged looking at the sky. "Rose...where do you cut?" I cleared my throat ...I was not ready to open that up to him...he understood and sat next to me in silence.

You would expect the space to be awkward around us but it wasn't it was surprisingly comforting. I yawned...I was beginning to get sleepy. He grabbed my hand (the tingling began once again) and walked me over to my door. I was about to head inside when he stopped me. "Is something wrong?" He looked at me still holding onto my hand. "If you ever need to talk...I'm here...no matter what time..." I nodded. He kissed my cheek and walked away. I waited a few minutes trying to calm my heart down.

I opened the door softly shutting it behind me. I tiptoed over to my room and threw myself on the bed kicking off my sandals. I turned off the light and closed my eyes letting the darkness take me. It wasn't long after I went to sleep that I woke up shaking and sweaty...my heart was beating at an alarming pace. I grabbed my phone and read:

Sorry for messaging so late...I couldn't fall asleep...been thinking a lot...You up for something to eat?

I looked at the clock, it was around 4 in the morning. I sent him an ok and in 2 minutes he messaged me saying he was outside. I laughed telling him to hold on. I didn't have any make up on my hair was a mess but I didn't have the energy. I changed into some jeans, a t shirt, and slipped on my flats. A beep stopped me from going outside: you should probably take your school stuff. I laughed and grabbed my back pack.

Then I quietly headed outside and got in his car. The air was blasting and some unknown music was blasting through the speakers. I looked at him and he smiled his cute wide grin. "Mornin!" I smiled and said good morning too. Then he drove off.

"What are you in the mood for?" I shrugged. He rolled his eyes and I looked at him, "What?" he laughed, a laugh slightly deeper that his brothers and yet I was beginning to be accustomed to it. "Woman can never make a decision on what to eat..." I giggle knowing it was true.

We were driving for what felt like about 20 minutes until we got to a small cafe. "Dude...you know there are some that are a lot closer than that one?" he shrugged and we got out of the car. We headed over to it and it was warm and homey. I felt so relaxed just entering through those doors. The smell of hot chocolate, coffee, and something sweet filled the air.

"Hey Jeremy, the usual?" he nodded and one of the baristas was making his drink. "What about you miss?" I looked up at the menu and decided on a hot chocolate with whip cream and cinnamon and an egg and cheese croissant. The barista smile, "You finally bring someone in with good taste." I blushed looking away. "We'll bring the food over to you; you guys can go ahead and take a seat."

We sat over at a booth in the back; there was a little bookshelf right next to it. There was writing all over the tables. "Sorry I know it's not the nicest one but..." I interrupted him, "I think it has character. I like it a lot." He gave me a huge grin. I was reading all the names and messages on the table; some were funny, some were sweet, and some were just weird.

"Alright, here you guys go" I looked at the stuff and they were identical. I laughed well that's weird. We began eating and drinking making small talk. It was a great morning, I was not looking forward to going to school. Once we had finished eating we threw out the trash and made our way too the car. "Not going to lie...I really don't want it to end..." I blushed, "Me neither..." That escaped my mouth before I could stop it.

He blushed and so did I. He started driving towards the school but we had time to chat for a while enjoy each other's presence. He was telling me of all his crazy adventures back at the UK and let me tell you...he was one crazy guy. I was enjoying the time and hadn't noticed we had arrived at the school. He parked, and we both got out of the car, "Why are you getting out too?" he smiled, "Don't want you walking in alone." I blushed.

"I always have.... It doesn't bother me..." it kind of did though because I didn't want to stop spending time with him...for some strange reason. So he walked me over to the entrance where Rupert stood with my ball date and Noelia. As soon as we walked over to them Jeffrey grabbed my arm hard and pulled me to the side, "How dare you embarrass me that way! Walking in here with another fucking guy!" He squeezed my arm tighter. I stayed silent confused at what was going on. Maybe I was just imagining this...maybe it wasn't happening.

After a few minutes of him looking at me angrily he let go and walked away towards the school. I stood there kind of in a trance. Jeremy walked over, "What did that guy want?" I shrugged and told him I had to go inside. He nodded with a sullen face and I saw him walk away to his car.