Emotional Frustrations

Ruins (still editing)

I bite my lip deep, till it bleeds.
For I have the constant thoughts of suicide.

I sleep all day and stay inside, hidden in the dark where alone I want to cry.

At night I lay and hold on tight.
While a million thoughts come to my mind.

which is not Fine. Because I began to sweat frantically, toss and turn, I'll soon be lost in time.

Hang yourself, cut yourself and suffocate in your sleep isn't it the easiest to free?

See? You think I'm crazy, maybe insane. And its fine, I'm not ashamed.

Whats happened to the real me, the old me? she must have died along time ago.

I hate myself deeply, Because I ruined myself.
I hate who I am and what I have become.

Insecure little girl with no strong beliefs. and Away your bones eat.
deteriorating slowly there you lay in peace.

I fear the pain but enjoy the pleasure because to Me there's nothing better.

I sit alone awkwardly distant, and for years I quietly think to myself.

I open my tired eyes and see one hell of a bright sun. And its not fun cause it burns deep catching me on fire.

How sad it would be if your a blinded cyclops.
Its ironic and how alarming the tectonic plates began to shift.

You've come to change and your growing older. moreover you could never be as strong as a solider.

I'm to tired to care anymore, I've become lazy and dull as a stone.

What have I done? I'm obese and have become so ugly. I am disgusted of myself. And wish even sometimes I was never alive.

Its all my fault, I knew it was wrong.
Sitting and laying around snacking till I was gone.

now I found myself starving and blocking the world out, of my mind.

I ruined my body, my skin, my looks and personality.
And I feel as if I destroyed whats inside me.

I'm as worthless as a broken toy. Laying around lifeless without a word.

I assume I should be locked in asylum for I know My mind has gone.

There is no way I could be loved when I hate myself enough to wish I had died.
I just want to curl up in ball, but its to hard when I'm tall.

I have ruined myself to the point of no return. I'm just completely ruined.
and can never be fixed.

I feel like nothing, just a worthless nobody wasting away each day, each second I breathe.

Till this moment I realize I am full of Ruin. I am but a burnt down house.
I am whats left and that is dust.

I wish I could give my life away to those who want one.
I know deep down I don't and might not deserve this, but that's just the way it is.

I am that useless dead battery bringing down all the others.
That bright-less invisible star in the sky.

I seem to be Nothing but Ruins.
the waste, the trash the garbage of Earth.