Emotional Frustrations

Pònchò Rico Cudworth (editing)

It's too him, and about him
-–———
I was Four maybe four, maybe even six years old.
Whatever. it was 2002 but she says 2004.
I skipped down the wooden stairs to the concrete ones.
Then I saw you in my mother's arms and your head was hanging low.
You had tan hair around your face and black hair on your back.
a Male, yorkie, just a couple months old.
I don't remember the exact date but no matter.
we brought you inside and there laid Grandmas orange-yellow and brown blanket.
At the time I thought it was a poncho, but no, it was just a wonderful name, that just, fit you.
Then, Poncho was the name.
We became glued.
Best friends: so inseparable. .
You were;
Playful and a little bi polar.
Silly and so faithful.
You
Had a Cheerful bark and 'intimidating' growl.
Had Cute sneezes when you were happy.
You Kicked your legs after going to the bathroom.
You'd Prancing around like a show dog, and you had the potential.
You loved when I said "outside." You Got so perked up and would run for it.
And there were times you would growl and get upset but I'd soothe you out of it.
Times it would hurt to leave you, for school and work but worth it; to come home to you jumping and barking for me.
Sometimes you'd cry for attention or when you'd hear the word "mouse."
So cute and so little.
You protected me, and stayed by my side when you knew I was sick or upset.
But god damn you were So fucking loyal.
You are a big part of my heart, a part of my family.
Hell I remember;
I use to lay on the floor and call for you, you'd come running and curl up underneath my chin, sneezing and giving kisses.

But lately in The last year you haven't been yourself.
No longer playful.
The silliness and sneezes stopped altogether.
No longer running: but only into things.
You began losing your sight.
Your teeth fell out and you had trouble eating and defending yourself.
I knew deep down it was coming but I selfishly couldn't let you go.
And within the last couple of months, I noticed the pain.
You didn't want to move.
You just always wanted to sleep. You barely had a appetite and you were slimming down, no matter how much I fed you.
You just weren't the poncho you used to be.
I know, age has gotten to you.
And I know one day, you'll be gone.
But one day that pain was too great.
And I had to do something that hurt me, so more than you know.
I hope I made the right decision.
I really didn't want to but I wasn't gonna be selfish any longer.
I'm sorry baby.
My little baby.
I'm so sorry.
I felt I had too..
I was afraid you were afraid.
I greatly believed in pain and I saw that in you, when you cried out.
And now I'll no longer be able to hold you.
No longer be able call your name.
It hurt to leave you on that table, and I still worry about you. I think I always will.
And It's life they say.
And were all gonna die, and one day we all will.
But lately  Time is like a timer.
You gotta cherish.
But either way Poncho IS; my dog, my puppy, my baby, and my best friend.
Ever since I could even remember, the start of my life, he was there.
I wish I could have had him longer.
I so badly wish to freeze time.
But it was time to say goodbye.
And with that, it hurts the most to realize
Then it happened so suddenly, and I know neither of us were ready. I feel I still never will be.

So Goodbye
I love you so much.
I will always love you, and I'll miss you till I am no more.
Know you meant the world to me, and I hope your happy were you are now.
I'm so thankful, for all that you did for me and all that you were.
You fought hard and now it's time to rest.
May someday we meet again.
Poncho Rico cudworth.