Selfharm, Depression and the Janoskians

Chapter 5

Jais POV:

We now were having a pillow fight in my now wet bed.

At first all you could hear was laughter.

"Ouchh" Faith said in an immense pain.

" I didn't know that I could hit so hard" Skip joked

"But for real Faith, I am sorry, was it really that hard" he continued with a little worry in his voice.

"No it's okay, I just had a few bruises there too" she kinda laughed.

" Show me, I wanna be sure I didn't hurt yo- OH MY GOSH Faith it's bleeding!!!!!" Daniel said with a shocked and loud voice.

You could see that Faith was really really uncomfortable now.

"Uhm no no its okay, don't worry" she said and ran out of the room.

Meanwhile Beau, Luke, James and me didn't say anything we just were speechless until beau stood up and yelled for her to wait.

Faith' POV:

"FAITTTH WAIT!" I heard beau running after me.

Why do I always mess things up, my eyes were now filled with tears.

But I am sorry I can't talk with beau.

I ran into the room where my bag was and packed all my things.

"Faith, show me your arm"

"Are you okay"

"What are you doing"

"Can you please stop packing your things, you are not going anywhere"

"Faith"

Those were just some things beau said while I was now histeracly crying and packing my bag.

"Beau I am sorry, I gotta go, thank you for everything!" I said as quick as I could and ran out of the room, down the stairs and left the house.

I ran as fast as possible, I do could hear beaus voice yelling my name but I didn't stop. As I didn't hear anything anymore I slowed down.

Wow, I probably messed things more up then before but I mean I can't change it anymore, I don't want beau to see what I've done to myself.

I sat down on the ground and cried everything out.
As my eyes dried and I calmed down and was not crying anymore I looked around at the street signs and called a cab.

"Where do we go?" The driver asked as I went in and sat down.

I told him my aunts adress and he started driving.

"That makes 25$ please" the driver said as he stopped in front of the house.

I gave him his money and left. I opened the door and went in.

"HEY JESSI, I AM BACK" I yelled because I couldn't see her.

" I am in the kitchen!!" I heard her yell back.

"Hey Jessi, how are you?" I smiled.

"I am good babe, thanks what about you? How was your sleepover with the boys?" She asked with an excitement in her voice.

"Uhm it was fun, but I am so sorry Jessi I am so tired and I don't fell well, is it okay if we talk about it at dinner" I hated myself for saying that but i first need to shut myself down and think about everything.

"Of course but uhm beau is here, he is waiting in your room"

What?

No no no no no no no no no no

"Uhm did ge say why?" I asked trying to be as calm as possible.

"No he didn't" she smiled.

"Okay thanks Jessi, I am gonna go up then" I said and left.

I don't know what to do or better said what to say I don't know if he knows or thinks that i selfharmed again but I do know that it is not good!

I slowly opened my door and saw beau sitting on my couch.

"Hi beau" I said awkwardly.

"Faith, please sit down, we need to talk" he said with a serious face.

"What is going on? Why did you run away? And first of all don't worry about the boys I said that i was cleaning up your arm and that you then received a text from Jessi that she wanted you to come over, but Faith what happened? Please show me your arm"

"Thank you for not telling the boys but beau I am sorry I just can't I, I don't know, I am really sorry" I didn't care that what I was saying could sound stupid but I feel so overwhelmed right now.

"Faith, show me your arm" Beau said and he meant it.

I didn't know what to do or say anymore so I pulled my sleeve up and showed him my arm.

I looked at him and you could see that he was sad and kind of mad I guess.

"Faith, why? Why are you doing this to yourself? You are such a beautiful girl from the in- and outside you don't need that" he looked me straight in the eyes while he was touching my scars and cuts with his one hand.

"Beau I, it's so hard, I can't just stop and I am sorry but I am not ready for it yet... you know this morning I was thinking about my parents and then you know everything came to mind and just I couldn't stop myself..."

"Faith listen I am not going to let you do that to yourself yo-" but I cutted him of.

"Beau,I am not ready to stop okay?! I need my time!" I said kind of annoyed.

"Faith what kind of person would I be, if I wouldn't help you?!!!"

"I do NOT need help beau okay?? I am not sick!"

"Faith please..."

"NO BEAU! I DONT NEED HEeelp" my yelling started to turn out into a crying session.

"It is okay faith, it will be alright and I am here for you and I will support you" Beau said as I was burying my head in his shoulders. He hugged me tight and wiped my tears away.

"It will get better" he smiled.

"Thank you beau, we know each other since a few days now but thank you for everything. And I really do appreciate it so so much but beau I really am not ready for medical or therapeutic help"

"We are going to talk about this another time, don't worry" he smiled and hugged me again.