Selfharm, Depression and the Janoskians

Chapter 7

Beaus POV:

As I woke up I saw that Faith and I were all cuddled up laying in her bed.
She looked so stunning and peaceful as she slept.

She has such a strong personality... in my opinion, from what I know... I mean her parents died she moved here to her aunt, she doesn't have any friends, besides us.... and she's struggling with a lot of other issues as well.
And it seems like that she is kind of handling it... I mean yes she cuts herself but doesn't it mean that it is something she does because she is kind of fighting, yes it is wrong and not good at all and I am going to help her get through this and I am helping her to stop with it but she is fighting and she is alive! And that's what matters at the first point.

But how am I going to help her? I literally have no idea. I can't just go and talk to Jessi about it, in that case I would ruin all her trust she is starting to build up for me... and by the way trust, trust is what I need, she has to trust me so she can open up to me about everything because I do have to know everything that is going on with her to help her as much as I can.

Damn but how!? I really do want to help her because I am not going to let her down for fuck sake. I am going to support and help her as much as I can!!

I felt her starting to move.

"Good morning" she lightly smiled.

"Morning, did you sleep well?" I asked looking her in the eyes.

"Yea thanks what about you?"

"Me too" I smiled

Faith POV:

Beau and I ate breakfast, hung out a little bit more and then he left.

Now I am sitting in my room, just listening to music while I am laying down ob my bed and clearing my thoughts. I have no idea what is going on with beau at the moment... buuut I do know that I have to spend more time with Jessi and especially today. I don't know I kind of want to do a 'girls day' with her and I want to go get my hair done I don't know how I want it to be but I want something different... by the way I am going to start school soon and I am so nervous and scared and I really don't want to get bullied or something....by the way that was so dumb for me to say because I mean who the fuck wants to get bullied? Yeah no one.
I am probably going to be the only one who's new and doesn't have any friends or doesn't even know one single person .... but I actually don't really care because I rather be alone then be surrounded by fake people.

I stood up and got my diary. I always write everything down there. Including all my secrets and feelings.
It is in a baby pink tone and it has white roses drawn on it. It's so beautiful and I love it. My parents bought it to me last fall...

I got my pencil and started to write down. This is the first time I am writing something in it after moving here.

Dear Diary,

I know it's been a while since the last time I wrote you. But what should I say? My parents passed away and I moved to my aunt Jessi... you know that she's always been my favorite. She is the only one left from my family who really cares about me. I met these five boys who are YouTubers they are very kind. I was scared at the beginning but I get along with them very well. I normally don't open up so fast but with them it was different. They are different. Their names are Beau, Daniel, Luke, James and Jai. And I really like them all very much but the thing with beau is, that he found out about my selfharm... and I don't know how to feel about it because he really wants to help me but I don't know if I am ready for that yet. Buut I am glad he didn't find out that I am suicidal... I mean he already freaked out when he found out about my selfharm how would he react, when he found that out?? I don't know what is going to happen like what beau will do to "help" me because he keeps repeating that he will help me and that he won't leave me alone. I don't know... I will keep you updated.

Your Faith