Tiny Stories

The Break Up

"Why is Rahil messaging you?" 

Shit. Why did I leave my phone here?

"I don't know. Must be nothing"

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing" My stomach churned. Did he know? Did he suspect? 

"Keya. I asked you something" Eshan's voice had an edge now. 

"What do you want me to say? I haven't checked this message. You can see my phone is still on the table. Near you. In fact you probably read the message already right?"

"Your phone screen is locked. Why is it locked?"He picked up my phone and typed the passcode. It didn't work because I had changed it. Last month. 

"You changed your passcode?" 

"Yeah well you changed yours as well" Ha I had him cornered. 

"When did you check my phone to know that?"

I looked at him, my husband of one and a half years, boyfriend of two. When did I check his phone? Should I tell him it was the night he came back late from work and his phone had pinged while he was in the bathroom at 2:00 am and I had seen her name flash on it? Or the time he kept leaving our table at the restaurant to answer her calls while I sat back with our friends embarrassed making up excuses for him? 

"Six months back Eshan. You changed your passcode then remember?"

His expression changed. He knew I knew. He got off the couch and went to our small bar. Poured himself a drink. Yup looks like it was finally time we were going to have this conversation. 

"You do remember right?" I persisted. 

"Yes Keya. I do. It was the same time you started fighting with me"

"I started fighting with you?" my voice rose. Got high pitched. I hated that. I was angry but I didn't want it to show. My voice unfortunately always gave me away. 

"Here you go again. Why can it never just be a discussion. Why does it always have to end with you yelling?"

"I'm not yelling. I'm upset. I'm fucking hurt" 

He rolled his eyes. That was my biggest trigger. Gosh I wanted to smack him when he did that. How had I ever found it endearing? How had I ever found him endearing? Six months into our marriage I knew this was doomed, but God forbid I could admit it. He knew it as well. 

But we were both stuck. Fought two families and all their judgments to be together for what? To be where we are today? 

"Yes it's always you who is hurt right? My feelings mean zilch"

"They would if you ever talk about it. You refuse to tell me anything. I had to hear about your last project failing from Uday. Three months after it had happened. Do you have idea how embarrassing it was for me to sit there and nod like I knew everything when I had no fucking clue you had messed up the orders that cost you'll such a big project?" 

I knew I was punching below the belt. It was unfair but now I was simply raging.  All the months of tip toeing around this conversation had got to me. It's been six months now I've known. But I haven't said anything, only because I knew deep down I was at fault as well.

"Fuck you Keya. Not like you're some big shot either. Your stupid little stationery company is a joke. You're just lucky"

"Huh. Well I'm glad I'm lucky at my work because clearly I'm unlucky as heck in love."

"Trust you to take a conversation about my feelings to showing me what a loser I am at work. Because that is all you see me as. You will never look at what I bring to the fucking table"