𝙶𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚢 - 𝚛𝚊𝚏𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚗

3

The soft baby noises of Mabel made my eyes flutter open as she thrashed around in her cot wanting to come over. I tore myself out of my bedsheets, the warm sun glowing past the curtains and reflecting a shiny haze on my skin. My arms stretched out to Mabel, picking her up gently and resting her on my hip. I carried her into the kitchen, sitting her down as i go and wake up Rafe who's fast asleep on the sofa.
"Rafe" i say lightly, patting his shoulder softly. A deep groan leaves his mouth as he turns about on the sofa, after a minute finally sitting up.
"good morning," he says croakily, morning sun hitting his shining eyes.
"Do you want some breakfast?" i offer, as i was about to make pancakes for Mabel and im happy for him to stay.
"I should really get going," he says, getting off the sofa " Ill have to find a way to repay you." he winks cheekily.
"its fine honestly. I think Mabel enjoyed the company," Mabel coos in her high chair, knowing her own name.
" well then, i hope Mabel knows that i also highly enjoyed the company too."
" shell take that into consideration." He slips his shoes on near the front door and i turn away from the kettle as he yells my name.
"hey, Valerie, do you want to come for this small party at tannyhill tonight?" he asks almost shyly.
"yeah, id love too"
"ill text you the address see you there." and just like that he slips quietly out of the door, not another word.

"Well aren't you looking lovely?!" Mum says, walking through the door as i cuddle Mabel on my lap, not wanting to leave her really.
"Ugh mum im scared, what if they don't like me?" i look up at her with round eyes a small smile plastered on my face,
"well then you can come home and ill make you a hot choc and well watch 'about time'" she says back looking at me softly.
"If youre offering 'about time' it kind of makes me wanna stay home. Movie Night?"
"No. Youre going to this party and that is final Valerie, now shoo" she says assertively, shooing me out the door. I kiss Mabels forehead and mums cheek and slip out the door, in a little black sweetheart neckline dress and some sambas and a red leather jacket for a more casual aproach. I head to mums car as shes lending me her range rover whilst my Fiat is in the mechanics.

The heavy beat of loud music echoes through the neighbourhood as i drive past massive houses, stopping in near my mums house, close enough to tannyhill, so that i dont have to dropping my mums car off again, because mines in the garage, and i can walk back tonight. The house screams kook, with big windows and huge pools and overhanging balconys. I feel a bit intimidated as i walk up to the front door crowds of people dancing and swaying around me. A wave of humidity hits me as soon as i step foot in the house and i realise why so many people were outside, the smell of alcohol and sweat mixes through the air colliding with my nostrils in a way that wants me to throw up. I walk through the house aimlessly, not knowing anyone, untill i stumble across Sarah pouring herself a drink. Shes a little bit younger than me, and was my best friend my whole life, until the pogues. She turns slightly, putting a bottle of coke down and must have seen me out of the corner of her eye.
"Valarie! wow i havent seen you in years!" she shouts over the blaring music, her tone sweet.
"Sarah! shit yeah its been a while, anyway how have you been? hear you and John B are doing well."
"Yeah! its going great actually, but we all- well i really miss you, you know?" she says looking at me sincerely. It feels like the past just fades away suddenly and we're just two teenage girls again.
"I miss you so much too, ive just been up to my ears in debt and baby food and self pity" i try to laugh it off but we just share a small smile. We agree to see eachother more, and i really mean it.But we both know it will never be how it used to. But maybe thats good.

I sit uncomfortably on a sofa arm as i make small talk with toppers incessantly boring cousin who only likes talking about stock markets and i feel as though i have to cover my drink around. After abruptly ending the conversation i walk back to the kitchen promising myself one more drink after this failure of a night. Ive searched for Rafe the whole night, yet still, not once have i seen him. The colourful lights strobe in and out as the steamy rooms bubbles with chatter and dancing, whilst i wade through the sea of people just to find the vodka and dr.pepper, again. Classy, i know. Slowly the chatter grows louder and the strobes hurt my eyes just that little bit more. Maybe i didn't guard my drink well enough. The sound around me starts feeling more like water splashes, incoherent and confusing. The lights get brighter and then darker, the noise gets louder. Is that someone walking towards me? i grab the counter as people walk by me, past me, through me i cant tell anymore. Why am i on the floor? My head hits the back of a cabinet softly, my dress suddenly feeling too short and my makeup too heavy. Am i floating? Why am i flying? My hair hangs bellow me, my head suspended in air. Strong arms wrap me up softly, guiding me like a litehouse through the gruff sea of teens as i try ro wrap my head around whats happening to me right now. My mind feels like a ball of play-dough, all soft and stretchy, my thoughts getting thrown about. I try to speak but the words dont come out right, they slide off my tongue wrecklesly, not forming correctly, instead coming out as mumbles. I sont know where i am anymore, Tannyhill? My home? Deep sea? Outer space? Where am i? Whats going on?