It still hurts sometimes ...I catch myself thinking about it at night .While I'm healing and growing I feel like I have no one to share it with .That one part that I could tell everything to is gone and had been for a long time ..since he died .the long nights are filled with silence as I'm processing through my trauma and each discovery or a milestone I've met it with a blank screen and a missing piece of my heart .we've been dead for a long time but some nights are it's nice to look back on goodnights and the core memories we've had..because even though I was going through a lot of shit with my family especially my mom..he was the only person who took me out of the mood .I miss that .I miss that wave .
I stand over his grave as I pray god to keep him safe ..hoping I could meet him in the afterlife soon ..but I always think ..would that make a difference ?would that remove all the pain in my chest ? Would that make me stop crying and stop me from being sad for no reason ? The answer is I don't know ..I walked through the bridge watching the sun sinking in the river ..thinking of the best way to take my life away .
