I KNEW TO LOVE WOULD BE TO LOSE MY MIND | everlark

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑰

         Katniss...

She's the first person I think about when I wake up.  Next is my siblings.  Today, one of them will be chosen to fight to the death in the Hunger Games arena.

This year marks the Third Quarter Century of the Games.  This means that these Games will be unusual.  Three days ago, the President of Capitol announced how the drawing would take place.  Thanks to this, many people in the Districts breathed a sigh of relief.  But it kept me and Katniss awake at night.  He announced that this year's draw will consist of siblings of the winners, regardless of their age and health.

This means that at the beginning, a winner will be selected whose brother or sister will go to the Capitol, and if he or she does not have either one or the other, another person is drawn.

What is certain is that this year at least one person in my family will go to the Hunger Games.

I get out of bed, put on my prosthesis and go downstairs.  I wash my face with cold water to wake up.  I have to do something, otherwise I won't last until the harvest festival.

I decide to bake bread and then take it to Haymitch.  I prepare the ingredients and start kneading the dough.  These movements are so well known to me that I do them automatically.  Preparing baked goods calms me down and helps me de-stress, but this time it doesn't work.  I can't stop imagining Effie Trinket choosing my sister's name from the crystal ball, and then my brother's name.

I shake my head to clear the images and redirect my mind.  Unfortunately, I go back to thinking about Katniss.

A week has passed since we returned from the winners' tour, and during this week we have barely exchanged a word, apart from natural greetings.  I tried to forget about her.  I'm still trying, but it's not as easy as many may think.  Especially when we are forced to play madly in love in front of the cameras.

I inhale and put the formed cake in the oven, then climb the stairs to my room to change.

***

           "Good morning, District Twelve!" Effie exclaims.  It cannot be denied that all the enthusiasm she had at the harvest festival a year ago has disappeared from her.   "As you know, this year's harvest festival will look... Slightly different.  First of all, I would like to present you a video that came to us from the Capitol itself, as our mayor is unable to appear."

A video is projected on the wall to make us aware of why we do this every year.  I don't have the strength to watch it, so I look at the whole scene.  On the right side there are two large chairs in which me and Peeta are sitting, and on the left side there are two more chairs -Effie's and Haymitch's.  This year is so different that apart from two crystal balls, there are two more.  Some of them have my name on them - the women's winners, others have Peeta's and Haymitch's on them, and others have the winners' sisters and brothers.

Since Haymitch has no siblings, or at least no living ones, if Effie comes up with his name, the drawing will be repeated to select a winner who has a sibling.

That is, Peeta.

“Let's move on to the drawing,” the woman says.  "As always, ladies first" she looks at me with pain in her eyes, walks to the first ball, dips her hand and grabs one, only card "Katniss Everdeen" she reads into the microphone.  I swallow, feeling tears come to my eyes.

She walks to the next ball.

"Peeta Mellark," she reads.

The time has come.  She walks over to another ball, next to the one she took my name from.  I gasp for air and feel something grab my hand.  I turn to my right and see Peeta staring blankly into space.

She twirls her hand around a glass vessel containing the names of my sister and my "fiance's" sister.  Finally, she takes one out and walks to the microphone.

"Ivy Mellark."

I felt immediate relief, at the same moment I felt the grip on my hand loosen.  I look towards him and see that he is close to fainting.  I squeeze his hand because I want him to know that I am with him.  But he doesn't react, busy watching his seventeen-year-old twin take the stage.  She looks at her brother and gives him a reassuring smile that now looks like a grimace, and when she looks at me, her eyes turn cold and something like... Hate.

“It's time for the boys,” Effie says into the microphone.

I finally feel Peeta squeeze my hand.  It is true that he is so strong that the blood does not flow to my hand, but the most important thing is that he knows that he has my support.

Since I can't be a good fiancée for him, I want to be his best friend.

"Charlie Mellark."

His hand has weakened, now it is only in mine because of my grip.  I point it out and start drawing small, invisible circles on the back of his hand.

Peeta wanted Charlie to go, not George.  Which is completely normal, because Charlie is twenty-one and George is only thirteen.

Effie had the tributes shake hands and wished the people of District 12 "Enjoy the game".  Then we all could go inside.  I practically ran in there, dragging Peeta with me.  Once inside, we stood aside to wait for his siblings, who entered shortly afterwards.
   
"I'm sorry," he whispered into Ivy's hair as soon as he reached her and wrapped his arms around her tightly, just like he did to me this morning.

"Stop. This is in no way your fault." she pushes him away from her to look into her eyes, and then looks at me. "At least hers, she came up with the blueberry trick."

I frown.  I do not know what to say.

"The Games would have happened anyway, don't blame outsiders," Peeta says quietly.

"When it's true!" she shouts and gives me a murderous look.

If looks could kill, I'd be dead already.

Suddenly, the Peacekeepers come and escort the two to a room where they can say goodbye to their family.

"Why is she so hostile towards me?"  I say to Peeta as he approaches me.  “It's definitely not about the nightlock situation.  I saved our lives with this.'

"Yes I know.  I'll talk to her. " he murmurs.

He's lying.

"You know what it is, you just don't want to tell me."

He sighs and leaves.

He sighs and leaves.

I turn to face him, but he's already halfway up the stairs.  I look at him and notice his dark circles under his eyes and his messy blond hair, and I automatically feel guilty.

He was the one who lost his sibling, not me.  But I act like it's the other way around.  I shout at him and reproach him.

I follow him up the stairs and run up when I see him at the entrance to the attic.

“I'm sorry,” I say as soon as he pays attention to me.  "I'm sorry, I've been acting terrible for the past few days, as if I was the only one who could lose a sibling."

I don't wait for anything, I just hug him to me and I never want to let him go.

I just want to freeze this moment forever.