Dear Laura 2

Chapter 6

I had a good week; I got my license, I just got paid, I can finally drive my Mercedes, Abdul and I had been on two wonderful dates that week and not a single fight, my baby was healthy, and I finally figured out what I wanted to do career wise.

I had been working at that school for a month and I connected so well with those kids. Emma and I also went to volunteer at an orphanage a week earlier and the connection I instantly felt to those kids was out of this world. I think I had finally found my calling.

I could either be a guidance counsellor at a school, a psychologist for kids or a primary school teacher. I knew I wanted to work with kids, I just needed to narrow it down to one of those careers. I also needed to save money so that I could study.

To make it easier for me in terms of funds, I could do distance learning and continue working while I studied. I did my research. My salary was decent and would get me a Bachelor of Education in Foundation Phase Teaching at the University of South Africa or a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. I had this sudden love and connection for kids that I did not know was intense until I got exposed to them the way I did.

I called mom and Beth to let them know about my new discovery and that I could apply for the second semester since applications were already closed. Mom was glad to hear that I was finally going to school, she thought I was going to go through with the gap year plan. I was going to if I did not find something I was passionate about. I wanted to make the volunteering thing a regular thing too. I would not tell Abdul until the applications opened in April. I was happy to have finally discovered my path, to not feel lost anymore.

I was then ten weeks pregnant, and I was still not showing, thank goodness. I was still not ready to tell him.

After work, Emma and I went out for a late lunch date at a joint near the school. We stayed there, caught up, relaxed and had fun until the clock struck seven. We used my car that day because it was cost efficient to use one car than two.

"We should probably go before Leo or Eliza text to ask about dinner." She said while chuckling and we got our things to leave.

"I missed driving with you. That car looks really good on you. You really know how to pick a man. You found an angel." She told me. If only she knew that he was a mixture of both. Which I was somehow attracted to.

"I missed the rides too, I'm glad we found a solution. Fuel prices are crazy in these streets."

"Real." She let out a soft, angelic laugh.

The ride was fun. We played music and sang our lungs out like we were high schoolers. Being around Emma made me feel so carefree and joyous.

I got home at about half past seven and I found Abdul sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen. Clenched jaw, balled fists, stiff shoulders; I noticed every sign of the same anger I saw at the club the other night. My heart started racing even before I could ask what was up.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked slowly, ensuring that I did not piss him off any further.

"Is this the time you get off work?" His tone was flat and emotionless.

"Emma and I stopped for drinks."

"Emma's car is in the driveway Mia, why are you lying to me?" His voice got stronger and intimidating. My breathing grew rapid as the fear of what was coming next creeped into my spine, making me shiver. The air was thick and tense, making it hard to breathe.

"I'm not, Abdul. We carpooled. We thought it's for the best."

"Carpool huh? Do you think I'm stupid?" He banged his balled fists on the counter and my shoulders tensed. I struggled to swallow as the fear took over my entire body. I was controlled by it; the movements I made, my voice and even the words that were coming out of my mouth were a result of the fear.

"No not at all. I'm being honest. I would never lie to you. We can go ask her if you'd like." My voice came out shaky. I took gradual steps towards him, ensuring that I tread lightly to avoid anything that would add fuel to the fire. Even my tone was gentle.

"Text her to talk about carpooling, her response will tell me everything I need to know."

"Do you not trust me Abdul?"

"Why would I trust a girl that dresses like a slut? Why weren't you picking up your phone?" He flailed his hands in the air and raised his voice at me.

He had a thing with words. When they were bad, they shattered everything inside of me, engulfing me in complete darkness. And when they were good, they lit me up, fixed the cracks in my heart and melted everything in me. They were his most powerful weapon and he used them however he wanted.

"My phone is dead Abdul. Let me go charge it so I can prove to you that I actually would not do anything to freaking hurt you. Unlike you. You hurt me like you get paid to do it." I raised my voice at him too then stormed to the bedroom to fetch a charger.

Within a few minutes, my phone switched on and I went to my chat with Emma.

Me: We should carpool again tomorrow. Gas is expensive.

Emma: Definitely. I loved riding in your brand-new baby today! I would not pass up the chance to do it again.

"See? I was with Emma the whole time! I apologised for the way I was dressed, and you said you forgive me, yet today you're bringing it up and calling me names just because you're freaking insecure? I'm not the one that's unsure about their feelings, and I'm not the one that refuses to give us a title. I'm all in don't you see? When there is a problem, you communicate, like a freaking adult, not scream at me and call me vile names!" My face was full of tears and my voice was breaking as I spoke, but I managed to call him out. I managed to get my message across, or so I thought.

"Are you forgetting that tonight was date night?" His mouth formed a rigid grimace and his arms were folded across his chest.

"What?" Thats when I checked my calendar and saw it. It had totally slipped my mind. "I'm so sorry, I totally forgot. Oh my word, we were having too much fun, it just slipped my mind." I said in one breath. I realised it was all my fault.

"I warned you about your friendship with Emma. The least you could have done is found a way to communicate. She is not a good influence on you. I'm starting to think that she does not like me and is trying to get you to piss me off or break us up." I could hear the pain in his voice. I had disappointed him that night. I felt awful for it.

"It's not Emma's fault." I defended, my voice not breaking anymore.

"You are always defending her. I told you to stay away from her. Her presence is not good for our relationship. She was a catalyst in two of our biggest fights Mia. How are you so blind to all that? She's turning you into a girl I would not marry, a girl my family would never accept. And you keep choosing her over me."

His tears were already visible on his face. My heart ached to see him like that. Something inside of me longed to eliminate his sadness. He covered his face with his hands and sobbed onto them. His shoulders began to shake but no sound was coming out of his mouth. He was really crying. Did my actions hurt him that bad? The strong, intimidating Abdul that I knew was letting his walls crumble right in front of my eyes. I felt like I was finally seeing him. I was seeing the man behind the armour; behind the tall walls he so desperately hid behind. My heart felt at ease knowing that I made him feel safe enough to reveal that part of himself to me.

He let me disintegrate every piece of armour that was surrounding his heart. The heart I had assumed was made of stone. I had him all wrong, I thought to myself. He was just scared of being hurt; another thought accompanied the first one. Everything started making sense. The fear I had was replaced with empathy. I understood where he was coming from, why he acted the way he did sometimes. He was also human. And just like every human, love scared him. He just had a different way of expressing and dealing with it.

"I'm so sorry. I will limit my time with her." I assured him.

"I drew circles on his back to soothe him." He continued crying for a few more minutes before asking me for an early night. He did not respond to my compromise, so I assumed he just needed space. I gave it to him. I told myself that we would continue with the conversation the following day.