Blinding Lights: Despite Everything GeminiFourth

*22* Running away from the truth

Fourth couldn't stop thinking about the look on Gem's face when he told him that the kiss was just a dress rehearsal.

“You know, we have this to record today, right?  So I thought, why not, we need to practice it.  I hope you're not mad at me?”

Gemini immediately became sad.  The joyful light disappeared from his eyes, and his heart was filled with the painful poison seeping from his own thoughts.

“I was right, he doesn't feel anything for me.  How stupid and naive I am!  Where did I get the idea that he could feel the same way about me as I feel about him?  No, we only work together... But for real?  After all, his breathing was also quickening, just like mine... He wanted it too!  He wanted to kiss me!  No, Gemini, you can't be like that, don't be fooled, he doesn't feel anything for me.  I let myself be approached like some random idiot!  But... And his eyes?  I saw clearly... No, I just wanted to see it, so I convinced myself that I saw it.  There was nothing, it was just my imagination. Well, the best thing I can do is pretend it's nothing to me."

And Gemini did as he decided, but by the end of the day a tense atmosphere could be felt between the actors.  This impression was further deepened by the fact that Fourth talked to everyone normally and pushed Gem away from him.  Again.  Fourth avoided his gaze and conversations, spending most of his time with P'Earth Pirapat.

In order not to think about all this, Gem threw himself into work, volunteering when P'Off Jumpol was looking for someone who could paint a picture for the latest music video of the artist who was the most famous in their band, for NuNew Chawarin. NuNew was currently working on his latest single and needed someone who could paint a painting for him showing two naked people, a woman and a man, standing on a cliff, with a large mirror behind them showing the same people fully clothed, smiling  and hugging each other.  The entire video had a slightly dark vibe, and when Gem first talked to NuNew and shook his hand in greeting, an icy chill ran through his body.  Something about NuNew was very disturbing to him and gave him no peace.  NuNew seemed suspicious to him, but he could not justify his suspicions, especially since all the employees in the agency adored and even had divine respect for this young artist.  Gem was afraid that if he said anything, he would be ridiculed and criticized.  He disliked the smile Khawarin gave him even more as he shook Fourth's hand in greeting.

Gemini focused so much on his task that everything else ceased to matter.  Only he and his image mattered.  He didn't even notice the time passing until P'Erin, tired, yawning and rubbing her eyes, shooed him out of the meeting room where he had set up his painting kit.

★.  ★ .★

Gun didn't expect to see his twin brother at home so soon.  He happened to be talking to Namtan, who had visited him to discuss the next step in their secret mission that only their gang knew about, when Fourth entered his humble apartment.  Namtan noticed his pathetic condition and quickly said goodbye to Gun, giving him the opportunity to talk to his brother calmly.  But Gun guessed that it wouldn't be a "calm" conversation.  Fourth was shaky.  He was shaking all over his body, as if he were shivering.  New scratches appeared on his forearms.  Gun knew exactly what that meant... He had seen Fourth like this before.  This was what always happened when their fathers tried to force him to do something his own conscience wouldn't allow.  Fourth then always punished himself for being a failure and a disappointment in his own fathers' eyes, most often by scratching his skin until it bled or cutting it with any sharp instrument that was nearby.  Gun learned to hide any sharp objects, moving them out of his brother's sight so that he wouldn't hurt himself even more.  The scars were still visible, especially on his stomach and thighs.  Gun saw that his brother wasn't a bad person, that he couldn't hurt anyone.  That's why he himself chose the path in darkness to one day avenge his beloved little brother.  He hated their fathers for what they had done, for the state to which they had reduced an innocent, sensitive and good-natured boy, in whose honest heart the flame of pure, beautiful, sincere love still smoldered.