Masks

Masks - Chp 18

I let loose a shaky breath, my breathing hitched and my nose twitched just like my eyes shuttered. I resisted my knuckles whitening as I gripped the steering wheel tighter stubbornly resisting the urge to let any walls fall and cave back down upon myself as I drove home.

Normality I kept chanting to myself. You’re going to drive home normally, being your usual law abiding pace with your usual favorite music. You’re going to park in the drive way and walk inside to greet your parents as if nothing has changed. Normal, you’re going to be normal, this is all normal.

A barked a soft mirthless laugh under my breath, this was far from normal. My life and world was crashing down all around me; I found the school’s popular girl dead, I was the center and focus of the entire school, a popular guy was suddenly following me around like a lost puppy and now some freak was sending me threatening and quite frankly fucking terrifying messages. But no, I agree, this was normal I thought to myself sardonically.

I couldn’t have gotten out of that room quick enough, the rooms had felt like they’d been closing and caging in upon me and for the first time I experienced what it was like to feel an extreme case of claustrophobia. Coupled with my usual yet way more alarming cases of a panic attack – or as I now claim a mental breakdown – it was definitely a day for firsts.

I’d been interrupted from my breakdown by the rattling of the room’s door making me yelp in terror. Mrs. Talmen made some snarky comment through the door coupled with some muttering and mumbling that fell upon for once deaf ears. I instead scrambled hastily to my feet with such eager haste and threw myself at the door; I had torn it open and got the hell out of there not caring if I knocked Mrs. Talmen over along the way.

I had thrown myself in my car, slamming the door and locking them all before checking over my shoulder for any possible creeps in the backseat of my car like those horrible clichéd horror stories. Before I could even sigh in relief I had my car gunned up and roaring and I was speeding out of the car park trying to keep it all together as I pep talked myself into the direction of normality and sanity.

My hands continued to shake and therefore I continued to clench them, my grip flexing around the steering wheel with each passing second that I felt my resolve slipping. I needed some form of a distraction, an escape from these terrorizing nightmare-like thoughts; this all seemed so surreal, fake. It was like some corny clichéd movie or show you saw on TV, maybe I’d been watching one too many episodes of Pretty Little Liars.

I pulled into the driveway, my car growling under the sharp hasty turn. I needed to run, to keep moving and for my thoughts to never catch up with me. I wanted the impossible, magic, a spell. And yet the only one who’s able to put me under a spell wasn’t here right now. Gavin. No matter what happens in my life – even seconds before laying eyes on him – I was guaranteed to be shaken up and left with no recollection of what was shaking and ridding me senseless. He managed to take all around me away and leaving me feeling like there was no one else in the room, in the world. He left me feeling blessed, a giddy teenager who was swooning over their latest crush left breathless with every glance, every touch and every single damn hypnotizing smile. Most importantly though, no matter what he managed to always make me feel safe.

“Wow, where’s the fire?” a voice asked behind me in amusement just as I slammed my door shut hard enough to rattle my car.

I startled at Kate, she sat there sitting on my front porch steps with an easy grin. She seemed so content and normal sitting there, I detested that. How can someone so close be so far away because you were in completely different worlds?

I shook my head speechless, not trusting my voice to even and try and answer her question. Even if I wanted to be honest how was I meant to answer it when I didn’t even know where the fire was coming from? Who was coming for me?