Masks

Masks - Chp 6

“So,” Kate began as we lay on the grass on our stomachs, our legs kicking back and forth in the day’s sun and the beautiful caress of the breeze during our recess break “who did you end up getting a lift with?” she asked.

It was this question that I was dreading the most.

I hesitated “Uh…..Gavin.” I said tentatively, my voice low as I wished he heard utterly nothing.

I hadn’t mentioned this to anyone, I had avoided the conversation with mum all last night and this morning and I had prayed that Kate would presume I had just walked or really just didn’t think to ask or care. Dramatically my mind wandered to the possibility that Kate and my mum were joining forces behind my back, but I knew better than to trust my dramatic and drastic imagination.

I could literally hear as she snapped her face in my direction and the crack of her neck from whiplash, I could feel her burning gaze on my body, lighting my body on fire and making my body tense. Purposely I kept my eyes down and away, thinking that if I can’t see her than she won’t ask me again and I won’t have to answer.

“Gavin Bickim?” she asked shock coating her words and wonder, a gasp in her tone.

I kept my gaze on the grass, my fingers toying with the grass strands, a habit of mine when I was shy; look away and to fidget and toy with anything in reach. “Yeah.” I murmured softly.

She didn’t speak at first until she finally said a cautious but still curious “Well….that’s cool.” She murmured, I knew instantly that she had a million questions bubbling on the tip of her tongue and yet she was holding back because she knew that I was a person that resisted the more forced.

Finally the silence got to me and I cracked “Oh Kate, I just don’t know.” I moaned in utter frustration, my mind and thoughts utterly frazzled. “I mean, he just rocked up to me when I was in the music room and suddenly he wants to talk to me…I mean even if it’s just in a friendly manner.” I gushed my words tumbling and blurring together as practically one “It’s just I used to be invisible one minute and suddenly since I’ve got my fifteen minutes of fame he’s suddenly just….there!” I cried trying to convey my feelings “I mean should I be worried about all of this? Why didn’t he just noticed me before?” I cried voicing every single thought I had and fear “I just don’t get it.”

I watched as she looked to the ground thoughtfully with furrowed brows and pursed lips “I see.” She murmured pausing in thought “But what’s wrong with him talking now?” she asked.

I smiled glumly “That it took all this time for him to realize me, that I may only be a way to more popularity and fame for him. It just doesn’t feel right; if it was right he would have noticed me before. So why didn’t he?” I asked exasperated.

“Well,” she began slowly “firstly you two are only and barely friends so be happy and smile you found such a good friend, he obviously cares enough by what I can gather already. Secondly, do you really think he’d use you for fame?” she asked with a pointed voice.

I shook my head as it bowed down as I mulled over it all. Was Gavin seriously that type of person? Honestly already I knew he wasn’t by how utterly sweet and kind he’s been to me. Unless he was a brilliant actor. Nevertheless I was anxious, but at the end of the day I just knew he wouldn’t do that, he just couldn’t.

I shook my head finally “So it only leaves the last problem and I must say you do a really good job at hiding yourself and avoiding people, have you ever thought that maybe you create no chance?” she suggested softly, motherly rubbing my shoulder.

I nodded sighing heavily as I absorbed all of her words, trying to take it all in. Her words – all of them – honestly made sense, yet there was still some part of me that was resisting it as the truth. Why was I still hesitant? Maybe it was because at the end of the day I had never experienced such form attention from any male in my life and the fact that it was happening now of all times was unsettling.