Desired: Kaneki X Ayato

Chapter Eleven

Ayato stands on the small balcony from their bedroom which overlooks the city. The inky darkness of the starless sky made Ayato feel as if he was being observed by something lurking in the tenebrosity. He hadn't been getting much sleep recently and nor was Kaneki, the grayness under his eyes was evident from his pale skin. Ayato knew that if he were to ask Kaneki what's keeping him up he wouldn't get much of a response considering how impassive he could be.

Unanticipatedly, Kaneki adjoins Ayato on the balcony. At first, the silence between them is rather tranquil until it becomes unendurable. Ayato looks down at their hands which are both positioned on the railing, millimeters apart. To be honest, all Ayato wanted to do was brush hands with him; just to be able to feel his skin against Kaneki's. 

"The other day... Y-You said you were going to tell me something?" Ayato asks faintly. He notices his hands beginning to quiver as sudden thoughts surge through his mind, and shoves them in his pockets so Kaneki doesn't espy. 

"Yeah..." His voice was almost inaudible, "I've been contemplating on telling you this for a while now, i-it's just I don't know how I'm supposed to explain it and unfortunate events keep occurring..." He turns his head towards Ayato looking fixedly into his blue orbs. Kaneki looked as if he was on the verge of tears, but Kaneki always had that look in his eyes. 

"If you're going to tell me, do it now." His response came out a little more bitter than he'd intended but too much had happened in the past few weeks and Ayato could no longer tolerate anymore suffering. 

It took a few minutes for Kaneki to reply though he was still looking intensely at Ayato. "I'm... I'm joining Aogiri Tree..." His head instantly turned back towards the city, where he didn't have to witness Ayato's pained expression. 

He clenched his fists so hard that his veins protruded from his skin, blood was already dripping onto the ground from the pressure he applied into prodding his fingernails into his palms. "What the fuck?! We left Aogiri Tree together, we both agreed that we were never going back! Joining that organisation is practically self-destruction!" His yells were hoarse, the cracks in Ayato's voice caused Kaneki to shudder. 

"I-I'm sorry... it's just-" Kaneki was cut off by Ayato.

"It's just what?! Hmm? It's just that you can't fucking stand surrounding yourself with a messed up kid whose watched everyone he loves disappear?" Tears escape his crestfallen eyes as his voice gradually goes indistinct, "Kaneki... You're the only one I have left... I-I can't lose you, I'd much rather avoid the thought and it sickens me how needy I am of you."

With struggle, he faces Ayato. Again, staring into his watery lapis lazuli eyes. He places his hand against Ayato's cheek, slowly caressing it as he wipes away his tears. Ayato blanches . "I'm doing this for you, to protect you. This will make me stronger. I love you."

A/N: If you didn't notice, this chapter was kind of inspired by the bridge scene with Touka and Kaneki as that scene was probably my favourite. It's so sad though...