You Can Read Me

Stress

Nodding my head, my feet stepped on the ground in tune to the beat like leaves skipping the surface of puddles.

My brain was divided into several sections. 

The largest one processing the music, a big one checking a mental list of things I needed to get, a smaller one thinking about the book I stayed up late reading last night, a similarly small one regretting the book I stayed up late reading, the second biggest one sorting the thoughts of others into ever-expanding categories, looking for one to focus on, and a incredibly tiny one that I don't even remember unless I think about it hard. 

That last one has the most important job of keeping the cage locked. 

I didn't necessarily want to go downtown into the heart of the city, but it wasn't like I had much choice. I had circled this Sunday in red marker twice, so if I didn't do it now, I'd probably put it off until next month.

If it was up to me, I would be staying home, curling up with a book, cooking, swimming, anything else other than going shopping. 

Except I desperately needed new school supplies today, since sophomore year was starting tomorrow. Welcome back to the hell and noise of school!

I don't necessarily hate school, but then there's the noise. It's always too loud, to overwhelming.

Today was something of a beautiful Sunday morning. It was only resembling something beautiful because the sky was scattered with dark grey wisps of clouds and the autumn leaves were vibrant colours of mismatched fire. But it was captivating in a way that made me want to keep looking at them. 

The song that I was listening to synchronized with the world around me.

Like the city that I was getting closer to with every step. 

There was a single road I was walking along, every now and then a car came by, so it was relatively quiet.

I hummed along to the music, closing my eyes, and maybe singing along.

Which was a mistake.

I opened my eyes just in time to be smashed in the face by a tree.

My headphones fell off and hit the concrete, and shattered into three pieces, rendering it completely and fully unrepairable.

"Owwwww..." I mumbled, rubbing my forehead.

It was almost comedic, if I hadn't been the victim of the unfortune event.

I sighed, picking up what was left of my headphones.

There goes my music.

"Moons, I'm so stupid." I muttered.

I shoved them into my backpack, and continued on, my feet walking without a beat, and my brain without any music.

That left the part of my brain sorting thoughts as the biggest part.

I do this every time I enter a crowded space, search for a mind to listen to. It helps a bit with the noise.

"I am so MAD AT HER! Why can't we just go to the mall, which she LOVES, instead of HANGING AROUND A STUPID BUBBLE TEA SHOP? Ooooooh, PUPPY!! SO CUTE!!!!!"

Too loud. Far to loud. Too energetic.

"He is so CUTE right now. I wonder if he'll ask me to be his gf. I REALLY hope so."

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope NOPE.

"I hate the world. It's too bright. Too joyful. Bah. School's starting tomorrow. How could anyone be happy?"