You Can Read Me

Secrets and Scars

Why aren't I disturbed by him?


"Why didn't I move away?"

Why can't I stop thinking about him?

"What makes her so special?"

Why do I want to talk to him?

"Why does she make me nervous?"

Why does he comfort me?

"How does she calm me?"

"What is happening to me?

A gentle hand. Kind words. A smile. 

It's all you really need to do anything. Kindness and friendship and trust are probably the most powerful things you can give someone. 

A simple, but meaningful gesture may change their life, or how they act. It's been the way I approach the world for as long as I remember, how I always manage to stay kind no matter the situation I encounter.

However, I find it extraordinarily difficult to go up to the person who has not spoken directly to me for three months, yet placed me in a flustering position in the past hour, and ask them how they are.

How does he do this?

My entire day is now thrown off. My whole body feels hot and shaken. I want to shrivel up and explode.

I don't know why I even want to talk to him.

I didn't remember how he could make me feel like this. I haven't forgotten the library incident, but it wasn't in my head when I was doing gym.

It most definitely is now, along with Shadow's, and only Shadow's, thoughts strolling around my head. Which at the moment, is not the most useful thing to me. 

I skittishly peeked my head out of the shower to make sure no one was around, before delicately stepping out and drying off. My quills needed the most care, otherwise they would be dripping wet all day. I learned that the hard way.

I reached for my change of clothing when I heard a door slam and voices echo through the room. My head whipped up before I scattered like a startled mouse to find a place to hide. I managed to yank my sweater at least, locking myself in a closet and pulling on my clothes. 

There was laughter and rushed voices nearly impossible to match with their owners. Clearly Sally and... Sonic? With a flash of panic, I realized in my flustered state, I used the gender-neutral change room, go LGBTQ+ people, I get it, but jeez, why would they include it in a high school?

"Great job Shads, when's your girlfriend getting here?" Rang out a voice more boisterous than the others. Okay, I may or may not have done the tiniest bit of stalking before Sonic announced his relationship, but I do feel guilty and it does keep me up at night.

My hands were shaking as I waited for a response, and I placed them against my chest to make them stop, but that only succeeded in making my entire body quiver. 

"What girlfriend?" Shadow replied, clearly trying to dodge the subject. I listened to Sonic preparing some witty line about how he stayed in the position for too long, which I did not need to think about anymore when in the dust-filled janitor closet, I sneezed. Just lightly, and it shouldn't have been noticed, but there was silence, and five seconds later, light filled the closet, and I was dragged out from the closet by the neck of my sweater.