You Can Read Me

Need me, Need you

"Absolutely not," Came the immediate reply, "You are in no shape to have a reasonable discussion, and no way is this in a timely fashion"

"You nearly killed yourself, you went insane, you haven't eaten anything in hours, you just woke up, you can hardly form words..." Shadow droned on, his voice not rough, but not exactly gentle. 

It was stern. And... worried?

I stared down at the floor, listening to the reasons drag on, and the snow howl at the windows. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. So many people would've been happy with me that way. 

"Alright," I whispered, finding it hard to breathe, "I get it."

Shadow halted with his list. With a scoff, he turned around and resumed cooking. I sighed, taking a chair and sitting down. 

The air was thick and tense, like I could stab it and my blade would murder the wind. I desperately wanted to say something, anything to break the choking silence that felt like it stretched out for miles.

"What are you making?" I said. Blurted rather. 

I sound so pathetic and needy. 

To redeem myself, I straightened my shoulders steadied my voice and followed up with, "I'd love to learn the recipe, if it's something new to me."

No stuttering. 

Honestly, I felt like I was being held together by spiderwebs. My chest was tight, as the feeling of tears wrapped its cold hands around my face, and whispered lies disguised as hushed truths into my mind.

"Just pancakes and bacon. Nothing too special." Shadow replied. I had nearly forgotten he was there or I had even said something to him. 

I didn't know what I should say next, if I even needed to speak.

"This girl, this stupid girl. How many times has she nearly killed herself? 5? 10?"

"Only three." I said, responding to Shadow's thoughts accidentally. He turned around so abruptly that he fell over. 

A hot, red flush crawled across my face.

"I've only nearly died three times," I said rambling quickly, desperately attempting to cover his suspicion, "since I met you. But it feels like it should be so much more. Imeanyourbodylanguageseemedlikeyouwerethinkingaboutthatandittotallywasn'tsomesupernaturalabilityandI'vealreadysaidtoomuchandforgetIevensaidanything!"

I am so screwed.

Nobody knows.

Nobody knows because the last time they found out...

"Supernatural ability?" Shadow ventured, testing to see if my sanity would hold.

I inhaled sharply.

He was more observant than I ever gave him credit for.

"Nothing." I replied, trying to put power in my voice. I was not meant to be dominant.

Or rather, maybe I was, but it was buried and hidden from years upon years of what I went through.

If he knew...

Would he still want to know me?

Would he continue being kind towards the awful thing I am?

Or would he react just the same as them.

I still want to know him.

I only want to be friends with him.