Ready Made Relationship

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now

Buck had been back to the hospital last night. His sling had been replaced, a new compression bandage applied, and stitches removed. A brace had been fastened around his left leg. It made walking a little awkward, but since it meant he could walk, he chose not to complain.

TK had called him last night to ask him if he felt less sore, upset when Buck had disclosed that he was in hospital, but also happy because it implied that Buck was looking after his injuries properly. He'd also called him earlier that morning to tell Buck that he wasn't feeling great after yesterday and that he and Carlos were going to stay in bed for the day. Buck had demanded that he speak to Carlos and proceeded to ask the hispanic if he was okay before offering to cook for them both and send Owen over with the food. He'd received thanks for his care, but Carlos' mother was already on it, Buck hadn't argued further.

The other thing that had woken Buck that morning was Grace leaving for work. She had pressed a long kiss to Judd's mouth and then an even longer one to the corner of Buck's, which had him blushing like a schoolgirl. Judd had stayed.

Judd was still wrapped around him tightly when Owen had come into the room with a tray of pancakes and coffee for the three of them to eat for breakfast.

"We need to watch what you eat. You're malnourished, Buck." His father had shaken his head, irritatedly, as he piled Buck's plate high with pancakes and doused them in strawberry syrup. Strawberry had always been Buck's favourite flavour.

"How'd you get to being so unhealthy, anyways, tiny?" Judd asked.

"It was a mix of things," I shrugged. "My ADHD makes me forget to eat sometimes, and a general lack of self-preservation."

"Well, that explains the malnutrition, but what about the sleep deprivation?" Owen questioned.

Buck took a large bite of pancake, chewed slowly, and swallowed hard.

"It's nothing, guys." He plastered on a faux smile.

"Does it have to do with the nightmares you told me about?" Owen slid closer to Buck on the bed, placing a hand over his knee.

Buck's smile froze. Then it disappeared in an instant. Of course, he'd told his father about the nightmares. He looked down at his breakfast, taking another large mouthful to buy some time. Then he nodded and swallowed hard.

"Yes." His voice was clipped, tone edging towards confrontational. "I have nightmares that keep me up all night, then keep me anxious all day. Don't worry though, I've slept better here than I ever did in LA because Albert isn't sticking it in his girlfriend downstairs, I'm not worrying about the 118, and I'm not awaiting a call that my sister randomly decided to run out on me yet again." Buck grunted and grit his teeth, temper rousing.

"Tiny," Judd sounded entirely too sympathetic. Buck couldn't stand it.

"Don't!" He barked. "Do not! I can not deal with my life today!" His fork stabbed through the centre of his next pancake, and he picked it up, taking a huge mouthful off the side nearest him.

"Evan, who is Albert?" Owen asked softly.

"He's Chim's little brother," Buck mumbled as he swallowed his mouthful. "He needed a place to stay, so I told him he could sleep on my couch about six months ago, and as far as I know, he hasn't bothered looking for another place. He just fucks his girlfriend on my sofa and pretends not to notice when she's telling me how fucked up I am." Buck shook his head, heart wrenching painfully at the realisation that there was another person in his life who was using him. "She's always suggesting plastic surgeons to get rid of my birthmark and telling me I wouldn't be single if I was just a little less pathetic."

"That's why you came in the jeep, huh? Safe space?" Owen sighed, watching as Buck chose to finish his breakfast before responding.

"That's why I brought it, yes, but I didn't need it. This place is better, the people, the work, even the hospitals. I feel safer." Buck confessed, somehow sufficiently calmer.

"Good." Judd grunted.

"Yeah, I guess, but what happens when I go back to LA?" Buck sighed, collapsing back against the headboard with an exhausted groan. "Nothing will ever be the same now. I can't go back and live a lie. I don't trust anyone except for Chimney and Mads, and I don't really trust them! This is all too much!"

Buck thought over his relationship with Maddie and Chimney. It was good, better than it had ever been. And yet. Maddie always promised she wouldn't leave, but she always left. Chimney had been firm to his promise of being more attentive, but their relationship was still on the mend. They were the only people he had in LA, but he couldn't rely on Maddie, and it was unfair to expect Chimney to turn up when she wouldn't.

"I'm thinking of staying here. Maybe I could see about transferring to your firehouse?" Buck mused. "I'll sell my apartment in LA, take a road trip to get my stuff, get May to round up the kids so that I can say goodbye," he sniffled a little at the thought of never seeing the children again, but he needed to move on and they'd understand. Those kids had spent most of their young lives telling him that he deserved better, and he was finally starting to get the message. Besides, it wasn't like they couldn't text him whenever they wanted and vice versa.

"Really?" Buck could tell that Owen was excited from the tone of his voice, but he knew the man was also concerned.

"Yes, I need to be with you here if I want to improve." He confirmed.

"Sounds like I need to get the Chief involved." Owen observed, a vicious kind of smile twisting at his lips, which concerned Buck greatly. "Then no one has to know until you decide to tell them."

And, maybe it was a little silly, but a part of Buck liked the idea of arranging everything without having to combat with a bunch of people trying to stop him or change his mind for the wrong reasons.

"Let's do it!"