𝗠𝗬𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗔: 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝖼𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗅𝖾 . ☄ . [CLOSED]

───ㅤkayadhu kalyan

REVIEWER: DRA3TIX
CUSTOMER: Kanhakisakhi

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Cover [4/10]

The cover definitely needs a change in my opinion. While the elements and colour aren't really bad, they aren't the best edited and the font isn't very well coordinated either. All in all the idea would have been good but it wasn't delivered very pleasing to the eyes with the poor editing.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Title [2.5/5]

The title isn't bad in my opinion. What exactly makes it so low at the score is the length of it and how that title isn't even fully present in the cover which would have been better if it were there. Or rather it would be better to shorten the subtitle a little and then add it in the cover as well.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Blurb [4/5]

The blurb is pretty good in presenting what a reader could expect from a book and also draws interest into the journey of the main character. I like how it's not too lengthy but rather has a decent length without seeming too complicated for understanding what exactly the story will be about.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Inception [7/10]

The initial chapters work well in giving an overview of settings and how the initial chapters affect the actual storyline. I find the start up of the story very well written and that it basically comprises everything a story’s start should include. Yes, the start isn't really unique for a story as I have definitely seen such descriptions for a new kingdom or simply a town but I believe that doesn't change much, particularly in your story.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Plot, Idea and Execution [19/25]

I believe the plot is pretty well set and doesn't unnecessarily deviate from its main motive for me. The pace is however a little unsettling for me seeing your writing style turns to very simple at times which I will be discussing in the next section. It's also pretty agreeable that the pace of a story definitely alters the execution and the enjoyment a reader may get while reading a story and yes it did hamper my experience too. I hope you work on that after realising what you need to fix in your writing style in the review further.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Characters and Emotions [12/15]

The characters are well defined and I would be highly disappointed if I found any flaws that made me feel the story lacks originality of the characters. See, when we write stories based on historical settings and that too when it is a perspective based fiction adapted out of well known events we need to take care of characters very closely and even a small flaw may lead to heavy damage to the story’s charm. I also would like to point out that there were certain instances I found myself a little out of the connection with the characters but that didn't overpower thankfully.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Writing Style and Tone [5/10]

You need to work a lot on this point. You have a fairly good writing style and it's evident from the length of your chapters too. However, your way of presenting that writing style is what's actually affecting your story. Yes writing in third person is difficult and that's exactly I believe what's hampering your story from reaching a bigger audience. For example, let's go back to the first 2-3 paragraphs of the chapter [The Birth]. What's unpleasant about that writing style? Nothing it's great, but what's exactly that's not sitting right with the write-up is the way it is presented. It's like I am a 5 year old kid being told a bedtime story when it should be otherwise i.e. reading from the third person and not being ‘told’ from the third person.

Instead of using writing methods like ‘The king was a kind…a child.’ It could be better written as: ‘Nagraj Jambha may be the kind and compassionate king of serpents, a devotee of Lord Vishnu and probably has everything needed but everything crumbles down to a curse that though was given to his wife by Lord Indra, affects him deeply. What worse than having a wife die without bearing a child?’

I hope the above transformation could explain exactly what I was trying to pinpoint in your presentation of a certain circumstance of the story.

⟨ 🪄 ⟩ ── Grammar Point [16/20]

Grammar wise your story stands pretty strong according to me which is a good point. However, as I said your writing style requires a different sort of presentation of things which I guess indirectly made me realise that your writing relies on basic and simple sentence structures instead, which is a recommended writing style for least grammar errors. It's not bad obviously. However, as writers we always want to learn better and better ways of writing and that makes me want to see more complex grammar styles in your writing as it makes the story more interesting and much more stronger in the writing and grammar portion. I hope the review was helpful for you.

/ 🔮 / TOTAL ── [69.5/100]

–TEAM DREAMERS–