Purge (Star Wars)

Discord

Floating alongside the Inquisitor's Cruiser had grated on Greez's every nerve and he wanted nothing more than to get as far away from that place as possible. So while they waited for Cal's signal, Greez had made the hyperspace calculations for an unnamed moon on the other end of the galaxy. Once Cal and Ilyana were back on board the ship he threw it into hyperspace and they'd been flying since. A pit stop here, a recalculation there sent them in several different directions to be sure they weren't followed. In addition to covering their trail, the adjustments to their path offered the group a few days to recover and come up with their next move.

For the first two days, sleep came easy for Ilyana. The lingering injury and exhaustion from her experience still clinging to her body. On the third night, however, she couldn't sleep. The ship had gone quiet hours before as the others turned in for the night, but Ilyana lay awake in her cot staring at the walkway above, exhaustion no longer able to hold back the tide of thoughts that washed over her. The battle repeatedly ran through her head. What might have happened had she made different choices? What would have happened if she had done just one thing different? Could she have changed the entire course of the battle? What would have happened to the others if she had just defeated Eighth Brother? Could she have saved them?

Finally she sits up, rubs her face and gives up all pretense of sleep. She will not be able to sleep tonight. What good is it doing me to lie stewing in it? A rustling sound comes from the level above; the all too familiar sound of Cal changing position in his bunk but it seems more restless than usual. Perhaps he is unable to sleep too. As quietly as she can she climbs the ladder to the top floor and stands at the railing.

"Are you awake" she asks in a whisper that wouldn't wake him if he was asleep.

"Yeah," he responds immediately.

"You can't sleep either?"

"No," he answers, sitting up, placing his feet on the floor and resting his head in his hands. "Since we found Adia, any time I meditate or sleep I see the same thing. I see her in the hands of stormtroopers. You?"

Ilyana leans against the railing, crosses her arms and stares at the wall. "I keep thinking about the battle. About everything that went wrong and what I might have done differently."

They both go quiet for a while, caught up in their thoughts. The steady hum of the engine, the only sound in the room.

"I know how you feel," Cal says, breaking the stillness, "I felt the same for years after the purge, after I lost my master. I would go over the events again and again in my mind and all the things I could have done differently, all the ways I might have saved him," he lets out a soft, mirthless laugh, "I would even imagine scenarios that were completely impossible. None of it helped. I was only able to move on when I finally accepted what had happened and faced it within myself."

"How do you do that?"

Cal cocks his head, "Time. Persistence. I know it's not a great answer but give yourself time and be willing to accept the past and be open to moving forward."

"What does your vision mean?"

"It means I might fail her. I don't know if I can keep her safe."

"No," Ilyana says matter-of-factly, "You won't fail her."

Cal waits a moment for her to say more but she remains silent and he cannot help but smile at her characteristically diametric way of speaking. She has changed since she first joined the ship, softened, but she does still switch between short, abrupt, almost cold statements or the complete unburdening of herself. Back on Savareen, Merrin had said that she is two people in conflict; the person she was before the Empire took her and the person the Empire made her into. At the time he had agreed but since then he has come to understand that the contradiction itself is who Ilyana is. Those brief statements are not actually dismissive or condescending, but mean just as much as her heartfelt, if not often depressing, monologues. In this case, there is no doubt in her mind he will be able to keep Adia safe.