Dare to love (Sakook)

Missed Chances

I woke up, it was different, I felt imprisioned. Ignoring the heavy stone on my heart, I took a deep breath while walking towards my kitchen, stretching my arms. I walked towards my bedroom again after getting myself a glass of water. 

I recalled yesterday's incident, I feel I penanced myself,  I feel like I am punishing myself. But I am afraid of the consequence, any consequence, I am afraid of taking chances with her. I know how much she affects me, to the point that she undeliberatly becomes my priorities in every situation. If I got close to her again, if my love just burns into ashes I might lose all my fucking sanity. I can't see her with anyone else. Hell I wasn't able to see her still caring about that guy, I was jealous, stupidly jealous. More than that, I was disappointed to be a friend. 

I just don't want to stuck in this, It's love, it's my love and I can't see it being crushed, I can't see her with anyone else and she certainly don't find me more than that. So I am just going to take a step back. I don't want to be an obsessive person, I never was and now that I feel frustrated, it just  makes me insecure. 

Hell, she was still not over that ex, I know how much she loved him, how much he affected her after so many days, I stand no chance here, and the last thing I want is to become a middle man in her life. The best option I saw was to just let go, just walk away, like back then....but in both these situation I feel  more depressed than ever. 

Nonetheless, I should probably jump right into preparing myself for the office, I have a meeting and after almost a  month, Tzuyu is finally going to attend a meeting which I am a part of. 

For the first week, she didn't attended the office and I was filled with humoungous guilt, it was easier to convey that to my colleagues, most of them didn't cared at all. 

I was very disturbed at her absence and just wanted to make sure she was doing fine, but I was at the fault, I had no rights to get in touch with her again, it was awful. I was losing a friend, expectedly but still heart wrenching. That day, after two weeks of my filthy act, she called me and asked for a meetup. 

We met, near her apartment, at her favorite cafe. I was the one who spoke first, apologising, just apologising. She on the other hand was much more calmer, she told me about her quick Jeju trip, solo  trip. It was enlightening, as she mentioned, that she drove to the bay and then found herself just skipping through the sea, but jokingly booked a flight to Jeju from the nearest City. Most of the time she was talking about that, completely normal. I was glad, relieved. 

By the end, she pointed out of how I always made it obvious about my view of the relationship we had and pinned that she ignored all of it becauses she was so in love that it was never more than friendship ....I disagreed, almost immediately, I knew my fault, I took the blame, and she let it settle there. Saying, it's alright, in her eyes I could see that it wasn't alright but she said that with so much confidence. 

Since then, we never or barely crossed path, even in the office, she works on a different floor so that made it even. Sometime we greeted each other on the elevator but it's very rare, maybe once. 

I locked my gate, stepping out and towards my car, it's just a few minutes ride to the office, barely ten minutes but today its feeling much shorter, maybe because my mind is clouded with some regrets. I never tried to convey my feelings Did I! I am scared of taking chances, so scared of getting turned down, by her atleast. I have taken this on my heart for such a long time. I have romantasize my love so much that it feels illegal to put it into actual word.  Fuck, I need a beer. 

I turned the wheels, dialing a certain number. 

"Hey  Soobin, Morning", he reciprocated with much more enthusiasm.