febuwhump day 22
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The days seemed to be melting into one another. Practice seemed to stretch from morning till night, with only a few breaks in between. They would stagger home at one and be expected to be back in the studio at seven.
It was supposed to be for the new comeback. Wooyoung had done this exact routine so many times, and he knew exactly what it entailed, but he... just couldn't do it anymore. Something about the repetitive nature of it all had gotten to him. He couldn't see the point. It was the same thing all the time.
They practice day and night, release an album, people discuss it online, they perform on a bunch of shows, then the promotional period ends, and they go back to their respective rooms to do it all over again.
He knew that it wasn't his nature to think of this regularly, but Wooyoung kept running circles in his own mind. What was the point? Was there any point in doing anything? Would he ever look back and say that he was proud of how he chose to spend his time? What made something meaningful anyway?
The more he thought of these things, the more lost he felt. But the thing was, he could never share these thoughts. The others would question him, wonder why he was feeling this way in the first place. Wooyoung had no answers. If he could only just snap out of it, he would. He didn't want to be trapped in such a never-ending existential crisis.
It was like he had gone down a slide to the darker side of his mind and there were no ladders to go back up.
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He tried his best to match his voice to the guide track. It made sense. Everything did. Wooyoung had understood how recording songs worked a long time ago. It had been such a big goal once upon a time, but after he'd accomplished it, there was nothing else to aim for.
"Get better at singing," his mind had told him then. But he wasn't the main vocalist of the group - Jongho belonged there - and Wooyoung didn't see the point of working that hard.
He could carry a tune and his voice had a pleasant tone to it, what else did he need to do? Was there a point where it was okay to be satisfied with his skill level?
"Wooyoung, is something on his mind?"
Mingi interrupted his constant barrage of thoughts.
"What?"
Mingi took his headset off and gave him a weird look.
"I can't explain it. You get this gaze in your eyes these days, and you're so quiet too. It's unlike you. Is something going on?"
"Naur."
When Mingi continued looking at him with his furrowed brows, Wooyoung sighed.
"I just have a lot on my mind," he said carefully.
"Ooh, like what? Enlighten me."
"Like, I'm just thinking."
"About?"
Wooyoung shrugged. "You know, I can't just keep doing something. I need goals. I'm trying to figure out what mine are."
"Oh." Mingi chuckled. "If you ask me, my goal is to be able to wake up on time tomorrow."
Wooyoung smiled along, just to be polite, but he knew that Mingi had completely missed the mark. There was a sinking feeling inside of him. He didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd shared that nugget of feelings, but it had all been in vain.
With a sigh, he refocused on his music. Even the lyrics centered on things that they'd already sang about. Yes, they'd already loved people, already overthrown the government, and broken the wall. He was losing his passion.
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