Murder City

Chapter Ten

10| Aurora Bennett

I flick the kitchen light on. 

Everything's how it was 13 years ago. 

The walls are painted a harsh yellow, they look way more unappealing then they did way back then. The tiles pressed onto the floor are white, blue flowers decorating each square surface. The fridge is still blue, magnets scattered across it. The feeling of nostalgia crosses over me, the feeling of being young also drowns me. When I was younger, I had that feeling often. Its not a sad feeling, or a happy feeling, its the feeling of 'wow, this is home'. 

"Look how big you've gotten." 

I turn towards the tiny kitchen, which wasn't big enough for both my parents and me, but we made it work. I loved the feeling of being close to my father, he'd reach over from time to time, to whisper silly things, which made my young self laugh. My mother would scoff, leaning back in her fragile, poorly-built wooden chair before taking another puff of her cigarette. 

There he is, sat in the flimsy, oak chair he always would be.

"Hey...dad..." I sit next to him. He's leaning back so far I can hear the chair creek.

He inspects me closely, his blue eyes squinting tightly until they're seconds away from being shut completely.

He leans closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "you know I'm so proud of you, right?" He smiles, I don't. I want to curl into his lap and cry right now. I wonder how he could be proud of me, after I broke one of his golden rules. He told me to never cheat. He told me the path of my life would be destroyed if I did, and that kindness is never included in cheating. "Dad.." I trace the engravings of the bracelet, feeling the metal curve around the letters 'Ari'. "I did something terrible." I splutter, a tear leaking from my eye. "I know sweetheart." His hand slides into mine, giving it a tight squeeze. "But, did you enjoy it?"

"What?" I ask, perplexed by his questioning.

"Did you enjoy the time you spent with Billie?" I think for a moment, before nodding and answering "Yes." I'm not sure why I pondered that question, but the last few hours have been filled with self doubt that I have to start second-guessing myself. Its weird, hearing my dad say his name with such kindness.

"Did you enjoy the time you spent with Fletcher?"

I dont have to think about that one. I shake my head, "no."

"Ari, don't feel guilty for something you can't control. The heart wants what it wants, and if it leads you to do things morally incorrect, your brain will fight against it. But, sometimes, whats traditionally correct isn't what is actually correct." He leans back, "Cheating is terrible. But was it really cheating if love wasn't felt between either parties? I mean, come on, you heard what Fletcher said, right? He didn't care that you cheated, he cared about the possibility of you finding freedom. He didn't want to lose the only thing in his life he could control. He wanted to keep his punching bag around, and thats no way to live, Ari." He continues, "You did the right thing. You did what was best for everyone. You can't give up your happiness for someone who wouldn't take the fall for you. Never let anyone take control of your life, the only person who's allowed to do that, is you."

I grab onto his hand, wanting more direction, more reassurance. "Dad?" I whisper, my hands tracing his. "Yes, Ari?" His eyes lock into mine, and I feel a wave of loss cross over me, or rather the feeling of what could have been.

"I miss you."

Its an obvious statement. Of course I miss him. 

"I miss you too, Ari." He sighs before pulling his hand away, standing up. "I have to go now." He turns to leave, but before he does, he stops. He looks at me again, smiling. "Remember what I said, sweetheart." He pauses, walking to the door to the back-garden. "I love you. I always will." He walks through the door into pure darkness, the shadow consumes him.