Murder City

Chapter Twenty-one

21 | Aurora Bennett

"That one?" Nathan is showing me wedding dresses on his phone, I shake my head at each and every one of them, despite the fact that all of them are beautiful. I've been with Billie for less than a month, but every time Nathan and I hang out, he asks me when the ceremony is.

Its now the 12th of May. Fletcher is still in hospital. My visits have become less and less frequent. I feel better now. Still, something is stuck in the back of my mind, and it pops into my head every time I do anything. What's the point if I'm just going to die? I keep thinking. It's dumb and irrational, but my stupid fucking brain keeps asking it. I can't get over the fact that one day I'm going to die, and all of this is for nothing. It's not, I know that, and I have so long left.

I'm just thinking this because of everything that has happened recently. Everything that has happened in my life. First my dad, now my first real boyfriend? It's not fair. Nothing is ever fair. You'll never get what you want. "God, you're never satisfied, Ari." Nathan grumbles, turning off his phone and slipping it into his pocket. Does Nathan know he's going to die? Is that a worry of his? He smiles, and I want to shove a pillow into his face. "Look, I'm just happy for you! You make a really cute couple." He pinches my cheeks, I swat him away. "Even if he is old enough to be your father."

He isn't wrong. Some people are ashamed of the age difference between them and their partner. Strangely enough, I am not. And Billie isn't either. Fletcher and I had a spacious age gap, I wasn't ashamed of that either. Age is merely a number for I, after all, I'm 25. I can date whatever age I wish to. 

"Anyways, we looking in the box?" He takes a look over to the box, which is sat neatly on the coffee table, wrapped in same flowery wallpaper it was those years before. I went back to Fletcher's place a few days ago, after I visited him. I took what was left of my possessions. One of them happens to be this box. I wasn't too happy about collecting it, but I knew I needed to. Nathan goes to grab the box, but I slap his hand away just in time. "No." I take a sip of my water, before putting it down beside the box. "Come on." Nathan groans, tipping his head back. "Its just a box!" He punches my arm lightly. I scoff, "It's not 'just' a box." I groan, knowing I'll have to show him, because I cannot tell him. I take the box, and I put it on my lap. I slowly peel off the flowery top. Nathan tries to reach in, like an excited kid on Halloween, but I slap him away again.

Inside the box is all my mother left behind. Photos, small anniversary gifts, small unfinished knitting projects, rings. Small trinkets she didn't collect before she left. I pull out a photograph. It's one that must have been taken in the 80's. My mother is sat on a chair, her brown hair is short and styled. She's wearing a blue, polka-dot dress. She's sat next to my aunt, the woman who raised me better than my mother ever could. Neither of them are smiling.

"Who's that?" Nathan points to my aunt. "My aunt." I answer quickly, deeply looking into the photograph. Nathan nods. I flip to another photograph. It's my mother again, she's not smiling. She's getting hugged from behind by my uncle. She's wearing the same blue polka-dot dress.

I tuck the photos back into the box, and I pick out an envelope. 

I remember this being on the kitchen table the day she left. I woke up, there was no sign of her. I walked downstairs, and found this envelope in front of the space she'd been sat on. I never bothered opening it. I knew as soon as I saw it that she wasn't coming back. I knew she'd had enough of me. 

"Well, go on then." I look up at Nathan. "What?" my eyebrows raise in confusion. "Open it!" He demands. I don't speak. I shake my head. "Fine, I'll do it." He attempts to snatch it from my hands. I pull away, sliding it into my pocket.

"God, you're no fun!" He stands up, putting his hands on his hips in faux anger. He breaks the poor acting with a smile, which soon drops when Billie opens the door, fresh from the studio. "Your dads back." he laughs, rolling his eye's. I stand up, playfully punching him harder than I intended to. He frowns, laughs, and makes his way past Billie in a hasty escape.