Repression (bxb)

Chapter 5

Zayn had been lying in bed for the majority of the day, he hadn't left his bed since last night, and he'd been lying in his self-regret and shame. He doesn't have any energy to get up from the bed, all he wants to do is disappear from this earth. If he could go back in time and stop his younger self from going down that path, he would. Why did he have to be like this? If drugs are bad for you why does your body crave them?

He hated to admit to himself that he was an addict, and he was ashamed that he had gotten to this point. The thought of that keeps playing in his head and the shame and humiliation he feels for himself.

His body was drained of all his energy, and the heaviness in his chest was the worst part because it was constant for him, he felt like something was holding him down. His mother was coming to see him later today, and he was too ashamed for her to see him like this, or honestly anyone, he wanted his mother to see him when he was strong not when he was weak.

Bad enough she had seen him overdose like that, he vowed in the future he would never allow his mother and sister to ever see him like this ever again. He feels like he deserves to feel depressed because of how much he put his mother through and all of the bad choices he made.

Zayn heard a faint knock at the door, and he ignored whoever it was, he heard the sound of the door opening of the person letting themself in. "Sweetheart this is Dr Dani," she told in a gentle voice, "I haven't seen you all day and I'm starting to get worried about you." He ignored her, he didn't mean to look rude, he just didn't have the energy to talk.

He heard footsteps walking around his bed and he felt her sit down on the side of his bed, he glanced at her teary-eyed, and she gave him a heartwarming smile, "Whatever you're feeling just remember it's temporary you're a human you make mistakes, and you have a long life ahead of you." He stared at her in disbelief he didn't think this would ever get better, he shook his head at her, "Yes you will I know for a fact,"

"How?" He asked her doubtful, he thought she was probably those optimist people who think everything is all sunshine and rainbow, and he didn't take her seriously, he wished he had that outlook on life but he couldn't.

"You can't always go into things thinking you're going to fail sweetheart when I was around your age I was sent to different rehabs multiple times, this was the worst time of my life dear, and I didn't think that I would ever get better. Alcohol was always taken away from me and I somehow always found a way to find some." She told with a deep frown on her face, the reminiscing of that time of her life bothered her you could tell all over her face.

"I fought to never get sober despite it hurting the ones I loved I didn't care it made me ease out the pain, so it didn't matter to me." She told him with a deep breath, holding her chest, she had a sadness on her face she was trying to hide, "Time will heal you and every day the feelings become less and less, I know people overly say that but it's actually true,"

"It took a while and I needed a push to help me see the reality of it, and oh did I get one, I was starting to become tolerance to alcohol at that time and it wasn't hitting the same as it used to do, so I combined drugs with the alcohol and I instantly passed out and was in a coma for about a few days I had almost died,"

Zayn stared down at the bed wide-eyed shocked by the story she told him, "I want you to try and get out of bed and make it down to group, I'm not forcing you, but I do want you to try. Recovery isn't going to be easy, but you take it one day at a time," she told him leaving him with a sad smile before watching her as she walked out the door.

He didn't want to, but he knew he had to, 'change doesn't exist if you're in the same habit," his mother used to tell him, he has to break out of his pattern to create a change, or he will end up with the same result every time. The thought gave him the motivation and strength to force himself out of bed, he was reminded of what he was doing this for, not just himself but his family around him.

He walked down the hallway slowly, and when he entered the group room, a group of familiar faces were staring at him, Dr Dani smiled at him and guided him to the empty seat. "Now that everyone is here let's get started," Dr Dani said smiling widely, she knew that he would come.

*

One of the counselors had stopped and told him his mother had arrived, he was slightly nervous because the last time he seen his mother was at the hospital before he was sent here. He walked inside the visiting room with his head down, he was too ashamed to face her, he walked over to her and she instantly wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I love you," she told him while kissing his forehead, he could feel her tears fall down his forehead. "You're my strong baby and you will overcome this I believe in you,"

He was too filled with emotions to respond but he nodded at her, "Now have you made any friends here?" She asked him curiously while releasing him for the hug, she sat down in the nearest empty chair and patted the seat in indicator for him to sit next to her.

"No, I haven't I'm still getting adjusted to being here." He told her truthfully, Zayn wasn't looking forward to finding friends, maybe a few but he liked to keep his circle small he believed in quality over quantity.

"How are the counselors here are they treating you well?" She asked him concernedly, she was worried about someone treating Zayn wrong and was very protective over him, maybe overly protective, she never played about him, and she tried to make sure her son wasn't being mistreated and was safe.

"Yes, they are treating me well and how is Mera doing," He asked her, he was starting to miss his younger sister, they had a very good bond with each other, and he loved the hell out of her. It was like when their apart they missed each other but when their around each other all they did was bicker.

"She's okay just a little worried about you, next time I come up here I'll bring her here with me,' She responded with a nervous laugh. Zayn had seen someone walk past him but didn't pay attention to who it was, he was near the entrance of the room, and someone else could probably see their family, so he continued the conversation with his mother. He and his mother were close but not as close as they used to be, when he started taking drugs their relationship started to weaken.

The majority of the time she didn't know he was taking drugs, he was well at hiding it but the worse he got the more he had trouble hiding his addiction. Zayn started to feel like someone was staring at him, he glanced up to see Andre across the room with an older lady staring at them, but he didn't look angry as he usually did, he looked sad.

Zayn could see that he didn't notice that he could see him staring, he noticed his face turn emotionless when he went back to talking to the older lady. That was strange it was like he flicked a switch inside of him. He was also wondering why did he looked at him like that.

Zayn chose to stop putting thought into it, if he did his head would start to hurt, and he decided to go back to focusing on his mother. He and his mother were talking for thirty minutes straight about past memories and embarrassing moments, he was disappointed when she said she needed to go back to work. He had given his mother a long hug for goodbye and frowned as she walked out of the visiting room.

He walked back to the room with a smile on his face, at that moment he actually felt happy for the first time in a while, he knew it wasn't going to last long and enjoyed it as long as it lasted. 

AN: hi I'm nay lol and sorry for taking a while writing this chapter.