Repression (bxb)

Chapter 6

Zayn was sitting on his bed reading a random book he picked up earlier from the library. He barely read anything unless he had to, he would usually use his phone, but they have a no-phone policy. He was having difficulty focusing on the book and his mind kept reverting to Andre, and how sad he looked when he was staring at him and his mom, he looked almost devastated. He was trying to force it out of his mind, but it was hard to do that, 

He didn't understand why his mind couldn't let it go but couldn't shake the feeling of something wrong. Zayn was a very stubborn person he couldn't help it, the only way he was going to let it go was when he had gotten to the bottom of it.

He glanced at the alarm clock, and it was almost time for dinner, it was some time that had gone by since his mother had been here. It helped him that he saw her because it gave him the motivation to keep going. He feels like he isn't allowed to give up, especially since all the pain he put his mother through, he at least owes them that. He was going to take it one day at a time.

He was scared of the power that drugs got over him, what if one day he recovered and came in contact with a drug would the urge win? Does he have what it takes to fight it? He was scared that he would put in all that hard work and then it was over in one night. He was snapped out of his thoughts of Andre rushing into a room, his face wasn't his usual angry face it was replaced with panic.

He started searching around his belongings aggressively, what he must be trying to find must be important to him. When he couldn't find what he was searching for his face went into an angry expression, he glanced around the room and his eyes locked eyes with Zayn, "The fuck you are looking at?" He said trying to provoke him, Zayn knew he wasn't directly angry with him he was just projecting his anger onto him, so he decided to ignore him.

He continued to search for whatever he was looking for, Zayn was about to leave the room to go to dinner, but as he was about to Andre grabbed his arm aggressively, "Have you seen a teddy bear?" Andre asked but it felt more like an interrogation.

Zayn tried to suppress his laughter but ended up failing, "What got you worked so up over is a teddy bear? Wow, what are you a kid?" He said yanking his arm away, as he was about to walk out of the room, Andre pushed him against the wall aggressively, and he flinched at the pain in his back.

"If you ever say something like that again I will kill you," He threatened him, he had this darkness in his eyes when he said it, he must've truly hit a soft spot, Zayn wasn't scared of Andre but when he said that it sent shivers down his spine.

Andre pressed his forearm against his chess holding him down, Zayn was in shock at what was happening, this entire thing gave him deja vu. What is it with him pinning him against the wall?  Zayn stayed silent, his body was so close to Zayn's body practically squishing him, the room was met with silence and both the boys just stared each other in the eyes. Andre's face softened slightly, but you could tell he was still angry.

Zayn was staring at his features he usually had his locs in his face, but his hair was up in a ponytail, he wasn't a bad-looking guy. He was beautiful for a guy.

The tension in the room shifted, the silence in the room was loud, and all he could hear was Andre's breathing. His mind was empty, his eyes reverted down at his lips, and he had an urge to kiss them. Zayn had followed Andre's eyes, and he was looking at his lips, he had this look as though he was contemplating something.

He honestly didn't know who did it but all he knows is that his lips were on Andre's. Zayn had gently cuffed his cheeks, Andre wrapped his hands around Zayn's waist and pulled him closer. He started running his hands up his shirt, the kiss deepened, and his hands began to run through his locs his mind was blank, and he didn't know what was happening but all he knew was that it felt good.

He wanted more.

He was having butterflies in his stomach, the kiss started to get more aggressive, and the pace fastened, Andre began running one of his hands on his thighs and the other around his neck. He started to kiss down Zayn's jawline making his way down to his neck, Zayn let out a slight moan which made Andre go harder. Zayn could feel Andre's hard dick pressed against him, he unconsciously started running his hand down to his crouch and rubbing it, Andre let out a slight moan. Zayn had wrapped his arms around his neck as he continued sucking his neck.

A knock on the door scared them out of what they were doing. He started realizing what he was doing, he was letting a guy do this to him, and not just any guy. Andre of all people. He pushed him off of him, and both of them stared at each other in shock and out of breath, Zayn knew his face was red, he was too stunned to speak, but all he knew was that he wanted to get out of there now.

Andre's reaction was the complete opposite of his, he looked confused, he was about to say something and before he was able to get word in Zayn had bolted out of the door. He had run past the person who knocked on the door, he didn't care if the person was giving him a weird look, he had bigger problems right now.  He ran into the closest bathroom, he was close to having a mental breakdown. He was going to change his name move out of the country and never show his face ever again after what he had just done.

The entire situation keeps replaying in his mind over and over again, he could never face Andre ever again. He knew he was going to have to at one point, they were stuck in a facility together and attending the same group, but he was going to try to ask to change rooms with him and avoid him as much as possible.

He wondered if the person hadn't knocked on the door how far would he have gone. He wasn't gay, he refused to be, he didn't have a problem with gay people but that doesn't mean he wanted to be gay either. There was plenty of reason why he enjoyed it, he could've been possessed, and it wasn't him. He didn't care if it didn't make sense and it wasn't logical but all he knew was that he wasn't gay.

He couldn't believe that he kissed Andre of all the people in the world, he hated his guts. He went over to the sink and stared at himself in the mirror, he didn't couldn't even recognize himself anymore. He threw water all over his face and his hair, and he noticed a hickey forming on his neck, he started to panic and get a paper towel to rub it off. He knew it wouldn't work.

Good thing though it could be easily hidden, now it was a reminder every time he looked in the mirror until it went away. He wasn't gay is what he kept reminding himself, he had a picture of what he wanted for his life when he recovered, he wanted to get married to a woman and have kids far in the future.

Zayn knew it was harsh, but he never wanted to see Andre again. He had a solution to solve half of his problem, he went to the main area of the facility where the therapists stay, since the majority of them are minors they have to keep a 24-hour watch on them, as soon as he saw Dr. Dani his mood slightly lifted because he had hope, "Uh hey Dr. Dani I have to ask you something?" He asked scratching his head in nervousness, "Can I switch rooms?"

"Sweetie we can't switch rooms because it's full and we usually allow switches around when another student leaves, but you can ask someone to switch rooms but it's most likely unlikely because they aren't willing because they're used to their roommate,

He thanked her and gave her a sad smile before walking away from her, he was stuck with Andre and there was nothing he could do about it. It was time for dinner, and he didn't have the appetite to eat it. He was disgusted with himself.

The thought of facing Andre terrified him or even seeing him, he didn't want to talk about it or either think about it. He just wants to pretend it never happened.

A/N: I took so long to post this chapter omg.