Repression (bxb)

Chapter 8

Andre didn't respond to him but kept his eyes fixed on him. He felt uncomfortable underneath his gaze, he couldn't move, it was like his body was frozen. He watched as his eyes shifted to his lips. Zayn closed his eyes wishing this entire thing would be over. "Maybe it wasn't an accident," Andre whispered into his ear, and he moved his hand up to his cheek and grazed his cheek.

This made shivers down his spine, he wasn't afraid of him but right now he was making him feel uneasy.

Was Andre even straight? He always assumed that he was.

When he opened his eyes, he saw him walking back into his bed, Zayn was left confused but didn't say anything. He ultimately decided to do the same and got into his bed. He flickered his side of the lamps off, and the room was met with darkness. This kiss screwed with his head and the fact that he didn't have an exact answer for why he did it.

He wanted to pretend this entire thing didn't happen but he knew deep down sharing a room with Andre he was always going to remember he did that. It wasn't going to be out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. He needs to figure out why he did it, he wasn't gay or sexually attracted to Andre. Well, he didn't think he was. He was trying to think how exactly did he feel about Andre.

He still hates him but he notices his emotions toward Andre have changed. Every time he thinks about him he gets butterflies in his stomach, and his heart flutters. Even if Zayn was gay the thought of ever dating him repulses him. Zayn wanted this whole situation to be forgotten and to never see him again, but he knew deep down that this wouldn't be far from over.

He's been skipping over the possibility that he could possibly like boys, he didn't want to because it would feel real, and he didn't want to believe that there could ever be a chance. When he grew up he automatically assumed he liked women, but what if he did happen to like boys? What will that mean?

It scared him.

If he was gay would his family even accept him?

If say he was gay, he didn't think he could ever accept himself.

He wished he could sleep this entire thing off, but he couldn't fall asleep, he was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling. He wished there was something or someone that could tell him the answer to his problem.

ANDRE

He couldn't fall asleep.

He was pretty sure Zayn was still awake as well because he couldn't hear his snoring. He didn't know why he said it to him, and he wasn't entirely sure what he meant.

He freaked out at first, but he took time to process how he felt about the kiss, and he realized that he liked it. he didn't know what it was about it, but it made him feel a feeling he had never had with girls. This was the first time he had ever felt something like this with a guy.

He shouldn't be feeling this way towards him, like Zayn of all people. He hated to admit it but he wanted it again, it was something about the way Zayn's body felt against his, it made him go crazy. He didn't know exactly what gender he liked, he realized there was no point in beating himself up over feelings he couldn't control. But he decided to not label himself yet.

He didn't even realize that he'd been thinking himself all night until he saw the sunrise. He had a couple of hours left to sleep but he knew that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, so he decided to just start his day.

The group started in a couple of hours, so he had plenty of time to work out and take a shower. He tried working out every morning, he started when a couple of weeks after he arrived here, he noticed that it helped him with his craving. He silently walked to the door and opened it slowly trying to avoid noise. He didn't want to wake Zayn because he was going to avoid him as much as possible.