Stillwater Street

1

September 3rd 2004

I thought Mom would be madder. Last night I heard her screaming at Malcolm for hours on end. She came into my room, said 'next time, do better and watch harder' and shut the door. That is the most she has spoken to me in years. I don't really understand why she is so frustrated all the time, she never has to look after any of us, Malcolm goes to work, looks after the boys, he cooks dinner and he is there when all of us wake up and there when all of us go to sleep. Whereas Mom just works, comes home, talks to Malcolm and goes to bed. I wouldn't mind having a better relationship with her than I do. Zoe was the first person I told about my period because I thought my mom would be mad at me for leaking on my white sheets so I took them into the living room and threw them into the fireplace to make sure she never found them. I've always been stepping on glass around my mom. I've never confided with her. I can't remember the last time we've hugged. She will never look at me in my face. She's never told me that she loves me either. It's really sad, whenever I cry and feel the 'I just want my mom'. I feel like even if you haven't ever had a mom that's a natural instinct but what I find is that I do have a mom it just feels like she doesn't want to know me. Even when it was just Max, Mom and I, I would always go to Max to be comforted. So I guess then same goes for moms, anyone can be a mom but it takes a real woman to be a mother...

I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling before looking over at my clock. 6:00am. I sigh. Same routine every morning. Life is quite literally relentless. I decide to look out the window, sun is shining and I can feel it warm on my face. A sunny day, that is exactly what I needed, so I put on some denim jeans and a beautiful red top with little daisies on it. I decided to look presentable today, if the sun has put effort in then I should as well. I brush my hair, rub some serum into it and put a bit of makeup on. I'm really going above and beyond today. I feel like I know why, I don't know if I'll see that boy again but I guess want him to see me like this. I go downstairs. Croissant. Lift. School. 

'You look gorge! Any special occasion?' 'Just a sunny day, to be honest.' Zoe always looks really nice, every single day. Today she was wearing an ankle length denim skirt with this T-shirt that showed her belly button piercing and had changed her clips from purple to blue to match with her skirt and baby blue eyeshadow, her arms filled with bangles and each finger with a ring. We go to our lessons that we have together, and soon enough it is lunch time. 'Sausage and mash...' 'I feel like Oliver Twist' 'This is actually awful, the mash doesn't even look like mashed potato... it's basically green...' I prod at my mash with my fork as we walk over to an empty table, place our plates down and start slowly eating. 'How's things at home?' 'Been fine so far, my mom was brief in her discussion with me as per usual. Just doing homework, watching TV. I think I want a pet or something to keep me company' she laughs as we continue conversing about clothes, perfumes and gossip until the bell rings telling us it's time for our final lesson. 'I'll see you tomorrow Mils' 'Okay bye, see you' and I walk to my locker to exchange my books. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around and have to adjust my neck up slightly to look at him. There he was again. 'Amelia, right? I'm sorry about yesterday. Let me know if he bothers you guys again.' I didn't even have any words to come out my mouth I just stood gawking like an idiot, causing him to awkwardly walk away after giving a small side smile and a chuckle. 'Wait!' I shout, down the corridor. It was empty so no one heard but him, so he turned around, 'what's your name?' He begins slowly walking back and stands in front of me before reaching into his bag and revealing a detention slip. 'FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK, STUDENT [Omar Johnson] MUST REMAIN AFTER SCHOOL HOURS DUE TO bad behaviour/rudeness/distraction/attendance/homework/other' and behaviour was circled in a red pen. 'Omar?' I say and he nods. 'Nice to meet you Omar, I'm A-' 'Amelia, yeah, I know. I like your top Amelia' and walks away again. 

I wasn't smiling on the outside but on the inside I felt like I had just won the lottery. Who was this boy? I get my phone out and message Zoe, 'Spoke to mystery man, he just complimented my top, I'm actually buzzing! He's called Omar Johnson and he knew my name already!' An instant reply. 'No. Fucking. Way. What a gentleman! Omar Johnson? Never heard of him but wow... didn't you get his number?' 'Number? You're actually insane. Of course not! I don't even know him' 'Yes you do? Omar Johnson.' I leave that on read after laughing to myself. What would we even message about. I have nothing to say to him!