Stillwater Street

5

September 13th 2004.

I feel like I am living with a stranger. The progress I made talking to him the other day has all gone backwards and how he won't even come out of his room, during the day at least. I put dinner outside his door and when I walk past it the plate is still there. He isn't dead though, I hear him getting out his room in the night to shower and get food when everyone is sleeping. Today is Monday, the day Omar and I said that we were going to meet up to do our art project. I am so excited. I am really looking forward to seeing him to take my mind off things for a bit. I have been seeing Zoe a lot more over at her house because mine is a bit of a war zone at the moment. Zoe's mom and her boyfriend broke up so it's just a girls house over there. I wish my relationship with my mom was like Zoe's and hers. They are literally best friends, she always tells her mom everything and vice versa, Zoe's mom treats me like a second daughter. We've been friends since we started secondary school so I've known her for ages. Sometimes I want to cry when I see them hug or laugh together but I couldn't face having anyone asking me what's wrong and I have to tell them 'it's because my mother doesn't love me'. So cringe.

It's 4:00am. I lay staring at the ceiling as I hear him clattering around the kitchen. I think to myself that I might just go down and see if I can catch him for a chat. I get out of bed and avoid all of the creaks in the floorboards. I get to the bottom step and try and be as quiet as possible. I stare over the banister and lift my wrist to move my hair out my face but smack my wrist on the banister. I gasp in pain and quickly slap my hand up to my mouth loud enough for him to look up. Since he is aware of my presence, I walk towards him. He turns back around to the fridge and I prop myself onto the island in the middle of the kitchen. 'Hey', he ignores me. 'I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and that I'm sorry all of this has happened.' He looks down at the ground and then towards me. He puts his hands over his eyes and starts to cry. 'Only you can make me cry like this.' He smiles through his tears at me. 'I want things to get better Max.' 'Everything is still shit Amelia, they're threatening to kick me out of college because of my attendance, I've lost all my friends.' He stops crying now and gets more tense. 'I just don't see a point in anything anymore.' 'What do you mean?' He turns away from me, picks up a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and pushes past me. 'Max?' He walks up the stairs. I follow him upstairs and he shuts the door in my face. 'MAX?' I bang on his door with both my fists before realising what time it is. I start crying now, why am I such a fucking baby. Every time it feels like it is getting better it doesn't. I get back into my bed and plant my face into my pillow and finally cry myself to sleep. 

'Amelia? Wake up, you're going to be late.' I jump up and look at the time. 8:25am. Shit. I rush to get ready, tank top, zip up, jeans, shoes. I brush my teeth, pushing the boys out the way so I can quickly put deodorant on and get out the house. 4 missed calls from Zoe. I get to school and I walk into my Art Lesson. 'Miss Leao. Late?' 'Sorry, Sir.' I sit down next to Omar who has earphones in. He looks over at me, 'Miss Leao' 'Mr Johnson'. We both smile at each other. I put my head down to start working and he taps me on my shoulder. 'You still on for tonight?' I look at him blankly. 'Oh shit, yeah of course, I want to go home first but could you pick me up after?' He winks and nods. I feel myself get butterflies. 

The lesson finishes and I go to meet Zoe. 'You look rough.' 'Thanks!' 'How is everything?' 'Not great, I'm meeting Omar after school today to get some work done though so that is something to look forward too.' 'OOHHHHHH girl!' I laugh and put my hand on her mouth, 'shush, it's nothing other than school work.' 'Whatever!' We walk to our lesson and the day comes to its end. 'I'll see you later Zo.' 'Bye babe, message me about later.' I get the bus home and run inside. No one is home yet, no one I'm aware of. Max might be but I don't care. I'm going to Omar's. I get my clothes laid out on my bed. Low rise linen trousers, baby-T, loads of bracelets all laid out. I have a shower and wash my hair, using tropical shampoo and passionfruit body wash. I shave... because I want to feel clean, this is just for the week, fresh body, fresh week! I get out the shower and put lip gloss on after finalising my look. I look in the mirror. I am doing way too much for this 'school work meet-up' but hopefully he thinks that I look like this outside of school for any situation. 'I'm ready :)' I leave the message for a few minutes and do some drawing whilst I wait. Minutes pass. Then an hour. I start to feel anxious. My phone buzzes, 'Yeahhhhh, no can do, sorry, see you at school.' I stare at my phone and I feel a lump in my throat. I throw my phone to the other side of the room and lay on my back. I try to cry but nothing is coming out, it's more like a borderline whinge. Genuinely fuck my life. My phone buzzes again from the other side of the room, I reluctantly pick it up. 'Outside xxx'. I pick up my house key and walk outside and open the van. 'Gotcha'. I don't speak. He laughs, 'someone didn't like my joke'. I smirk but I am still annoyed. I don't talk the whole drive but it isn't awkward. He pulls into this estate where there are lovely houses with little front gardens and a pathway to the front door. The sky is covered in grey clouds and there is a person in a blue raincoat walking their dog along the pavement. 'Here we are.' He parks up next to this house in front of this big brown garage door, the house is beautiful. It's built with white brick. The front door is matte black and on either side are these massive glass windows. The roof is plated black and there is a beautiful garden in the front with flowers everywhere. 'Omar, this is beautiful.' 'It's my parents house, they've demoted me to the garage, I had to do it up but at least they don't charge me rent.' He sort of laughs as we get out and walk into his house.