our delicate string | 최범규

13: blurred vision.

[ 🎹 ]

AERA WAS GETTING ready for her recital as she placed her hair into her neat top bun, placing the flowers inside. it was unusual doing this part by herself, in fact, her mother always did it for her. it was like her good luck charm before every recital.

she had video called her mother earlier, talking about her trip, Aera's practice, everything possible. she placed the last flower inside of her hair before grabbing her purse in one hand and her music booklet clasped in the other.

she flew down the flight of stairs, realizing how little time she had left. her hair took longer than she had initially anticipated.

she sighed before placing her coat on. to her surprise, her head whipped around hearing the doorbell ring.

"what?" she whispered to herself before opening the door.

"what the heck are you doing here?"

[ 🎹 ]

Beomgyu paced back in forth as the boys watched him from the bench of the train station. he anxiously bit his nails, walking over and over.

"i mean, what if this is so stupid?" he exclaimed. "i mean, she could reject me, she could kick me out, heck, she might not even be home!" he sighed deeply.

"well, you never know." Soobin said, buying the five tickets from the kiosk near the benches they were sitting at. "plus, it's not that deep. everybody gets rejected."

"i'm not going to be rejected!"

"see?" Soobin pointed at him. "you know you won't be." he smiled, handing Beomgyu and the others their train tickets.

"yeah, Gyu." Yeonjun stood up from the bench, stuffing the ticket in his pocket. "it'll be okay."

"alright, our train leaves in five minutes, so we gotta get going." Soobin led the way. in an effort to comfort the anxious boy, Hyuka swung his arm around Beomgyu's shoulders as they hopped on the next train.

second turned into minutes that felt like hours for the boy in his black puffer coat and mittens that he adores. he put them on to avoid biting his nails, but somehow it didn't calm his nervousness.

"when are we going to get there?!" he exclaimed, as if he were a child on a road trip.

"Beomgyu, patience." Yeonjun scolded. "the train is moving, and it's only like an hour away. you'll be fine, i promise."

"yeah, just fall asleep like those two." Soobin pointed at Taehyun and Hueningkai. Taehyun's head rested on the boy's shoulder as the two completely let tiredness take over their bodies. it was like two peas in a pod for the youngest two.

the train offered no signal nor wifi, along with the bustling of crowds on the busy train. it was like a subway, yet slightly cleaner.

the three took a seat on one side and the other two right across. Beomgyu rested the back of his head on the window behind him, Soobin patting the boy's arm to ease him.

"what are you so worried about?" Soobin asked the chestnut.

he sighed in response, looking at Yeonjun who was listening as well. "i don't even know."

"well, surely you have some idea."

"it's just—" he stammered. "i-i don't know, this whole thing is just insane to me. how could she be my soulmate and how could i catch feelings so fast?"

"that's how love works, Gyu."

"i never wanted to be in love." he sighed. "i've lived my whole life never wanting to love somebody romantically. i always knew somehow, somebody's heart would be broken. i was so worried of somebody breaking my heart, but now that i'm falling for her i'm petrified that i'll break hers somehow." his face fell to his hands.

"you can't change the future nor can you change fate." Yeonjun looked at the boy. "but you also can't beat yourself up about something that hasn't happened."

"and you're so capable of being loved." Soobin jokingly punched him. "you're so loving and you're so lovable. don't ever doubt that."

Beomgyu hated the idea of love, but why did he want it so badly? why would he go through such impossible lengths to see her, to make memories with her, to be in love with her? why does everything feel like it's suddenly changing?

[ 🎹 ]

the five arrived at the train station in their hometown as they began to walk to the exit. as they walked, they slowly began to reach the main town. the televisions in the station showed the extremely heavy rain and clouds forecasted for the next few hours.

they hadn't brought umbrellas with them, so they ran in the rain, trying to limit how much they would get rained on.

they finally reached the coffee shop as the door chimed and welcomed them in. they weren't too wet thankfully, due to the short distance they had to run.

"go get your girl, Gyu. we'll be here if you need us at all." they smiled as Beomgyu walked out of the shop, already feeling his clothes becoming damp from the rain.

he smiled as he ran on the sidewalks, clutching his coat close to his figure. he ran as fast as possible, her home wasn't far at all.

he couldn't believe it. he was going to tell Aera that he loves her. he was going to tell her how beautiful she is when she plays her instrument, when she watches the snow glistening as it falls down from the sky, her eyes when they danced that dreamy dance that night.

how beautiful she was when she gets excited about the most mundane things. how beautiful it is that she seeks wonder in everything, how she sees beauty in everywhere she goes. Beomgyu felt his breath beginning to hitch as he kept running. his heart beating out of nervousness, but somehow, that nervousness has gone away.

it turned into feelings of excitement, of wonder, of joy for the love he has for her. for the way that she has lit up his entire universe. and it felt like something magical every time he was with her.

his hair plastered onto his face from the pouring rain covering him up. he felt like a flower that used the water to bloom. he smiled as he finally got to his street as he looked up. it was always so peculiar to Beomgyu how Aera's family never put blinds up on their windows for privacy, but he didn't question it anymore. until,

he stopped. his breath completely hitched. he panted, tears welled into his eyes. eyebrows furrowed as from across the street, he saw the love of his life

with another boy standing at her door. they were talking, but it hurt more that it was a familiar face. Aera with her ex-boyfriend.

Beomgyu stopped in his tracks. feeling as if the world had been crying at his foolishness. tears fell down his eyes, but he didn't even bother to wipe them.

why did it still sting? why did Beomgyu feel all of his efforts go to waste?

he didn't remember how he got there, but as soon as he did, he slammed his front door. Beomgyu felt the back of his figure hit the door, as he sobbed into his knees in the dark. he watched the puddle of water slowly begin to form from his wet clothes, Lilac attempting to catch his attention with it.

but he didn't care.

he. just. didnt. care.