10 Years Ago, 10 Years Later

Chapter 10

"My name is Zhang Zhehan. You can call me Zhehan. Hanhan is okay, too."

Gong Jun watches the little boy in front of him holding out his hand. He has a small face and adorable eyes. His cheeks are blushing slightly, both shy and nervous.

He wonders, what is the boy thinking at this moment? What expectation is he having?

When his parents told him that he would be engaged to their friends' son, was he surprised? When his parents first showed him his fiance's picture, what did he feel? Was he happy? Was he excited? Did love begin to blossom in that young heart of his at the thought of their future?

If so, what does he feel when Gong Jun suddenly rejects him right to his face, leaving him there with his extended hair still hanging midair?

Does that little heart break? Does he cry? When they meet again in the days that follow, what is running through his mind?

Thinking back on it, during those 10 years, Gong Jun has never seen him cry except for one time.

On his bed, beneath his capturing arms, for the first time since they first met, he sees that person's tears streaming down his beautiful eyes.

Partly in pleasure, partly in anguish.

He wonders, why does he push this person so far to the point of breaking? He is a brat who knows not how to treat his favorite toy well. Only after that toy breaks beyond repair does he realize how much it means to him, how much he loves it.

Unlike a toy, however, a person's heart cannot be mended so easily, let alone replaced with a new one.

Gong Jun thinks, if only he had taken that boy's hand when they were little, if he had realized his feelings sooner, being honest with himself, would he have been able to keep him by his side for a little longer?

But it's useless now, isn't it? No matter how much he regrets it, he cannot repeat the years that have passed to undo the things he has said and done. Even if that person used to look at him with hope, the warmth in his eyes has now turned cold, much like the river that swallows him into the depths.

***

A white light on the ceiling makes Gong Jun close his eyes again the instant he opens them.

He sees white walls surrounding him on all fours, white curtains and shelves that he can barely distinguish one from another. Combined with a strong smell of medicine in the air, there is no need for him to ask where he is.

Gong Jun blinks slowly. His eyes are heavy, the moment he stops putting some strength into them, they will droop down again, refusing to remain open for too long. He wants to look around, but he can barely turn his neck, or move anything else for that matter. Not his hands, not his legs, nothing. In the first place, he is unable to muster any more strength; keeping his eyes open is the most he can do at this moment. Then, an indescribable pain creeps up without warning, invading his every sense. Gong Jun's brows are pulled into a frown. He sucks in a breath instinctively, but when he does so, it feels as if his chest is being stabbed by multiple knives.

For as long as he has lived, the biggest physical discomfort he has ever felt is a mild fever from a regular cold. This level of suffering is beyond his comprehension, he does not even know that this degree of pain even exists. Gong Jun starts wheezing, inflicting more pain on his body as a result. At some point, he wishes someone would knock him on the head so he'd fall unconscious again, free from this agony.

"...You're awake?"

Unable to turn his neck, Gong Jun can only tilt his head slightly and glance in the direction of the voice. He becomes stunned for a moment, forgetting all the pain in his body when he sees the person who talks to him. Why, he almost thought he saw his younger self sitting there at his side, peering curiously into his face.