I'm Not Okay, But It's Okay

I Don't Have A Cat

"Olive, Olive, the bell rang''

I blink a few times, snapping back to reality as I stare at my best friend standing in front of me. "Were gonna be late to lunch, Chris and I are walking to McDonald's"
I blink again. Seeing that were the only ones in the class, I take out the little device and take a long pull, blowing the smoke in her face as I stand up.

"Ew, Oli, I thought you said you'd stop doing that. " Jewels says fixing my low ponytail, and picking up my bag.

I shrug, taking my bag from her and putting it over my shoulder "Why does it matter? "

"Because your going to die before your 17th birthday. That's why" she says, sweeping her long blonde hair over her shoulder. And we walk out of the classroom.

I don't say anything. Jewels hates when I say depressing shit. She wouldn't want me to tell her that's the point of smoking. At least for me.

We walk the halls of my hell. Well, my second hell. My first is home. I mean, I definitely rather be here then home, but the kids in this stupid hell hole make me want to jump off-

"Jesus olive, how much have you smoked? It's only lunch" I look up from the ground and see were now outside. Jewels is hanging off her boyfriend Chris. Who's tall and broad. Plays football. Total jock. Dictionary definition of the main love interest in any teen film.

"Couple puffs" I lie, pouring water into my dry mouth. Chris runs his hand through his blonde hair. I swear they could be long lost siblings. They look more alike then a set of twins at the school. Whenever I bring it up, Jewels gets pissed and says I need to get my eyes checked.

"Oli, me and Chris are going to go eat, Ill see you in PE?" She asks, and before I can answer she's walks away hand in hand with Chris.

"Don't get pregnant" I mumble, walking to the bleachers inside of the fenced in track. I take a seat, pull out my phone and start scrolling through TikTok.

Jewels and I have been friends forever. Since before I got fucked up. We met in 5th grade, I had just transferred from a school in New York cause my dad lost his job.

We clicked instantly. Both sharing a love for music.

I'm surprised she's stayed by me through the years. She's the definition of what you'd see as a popular girl. Someone that could be friends with anyone. But she chose me. She's rarely ever with anyone else than me and Chris.

It scares me shitless that ill have to watch her leave. For her to go and join a clique. She assures me I'm just being over dramatic and that no one else likes to drive around town for hours straight blasting Olivia Rodrigo and Alec Benjamin.
I try to believe her, I really do.

I shut off my phone and dig the pen out of my hoodie pocket. Debating on taking another hit, I decide against it. Gym is next. I've never been high for gym. Ever. And I sure as hell won't start now.

Gym is the only class ill actually pay attention in. Especially when were doing any type of running. I love running. I love pushing myself to the point of having to gasp for breathe.

An hour pasts, I glance at the clock on my phone. Grab my book bag, and head inside and down the hallway to the girls changing room.

When I walk in, girls are stripping like they don't have a care in the world about who sees they're body's. They're all wearing lace bras. Ones that are meant for someone. That are made for the male gaze, not for the females comfort.

I walk into one of the only stalls in the changing room. I strip of my baggy jeans and hoodie. I glance down at my sports bra and boy boxers. The faded scars that litter underneath the band of my bra. I hate them. I hate them so much. I wish they'd just go away.

I run my hands over my thighs, grabbing the extra fat that has no reason to be there. I dig my fingernails into them into I'm tearing up and I'm bleeding. I shake my head, sniffling quietly. I put on my t-shirt, and black jogging pants, and walk out of the bathroom, taking my dark brown wavy hair out of the ponytail and throwing it into a bun.

I stand in front of the mirror. Looking at my face. I have dark green eyes. The color green that looks like dark disgusting grass. My nose is small, but I have a little bump on the bridge of it that drives me insane. I smile weekly, my teeth are as straight as you can get them without braces. My teeth are all pretty much white except for my back ones.

"OMG, your arm, are you okay?" I look over to my right, theres a girl in nothing but booty shorts and a pink lace bra, she has big clear framed glasses, tan skin and short black hair.
I glance at my right arm, where I have four scars below the crease of my elbow. It's almost faded now, but still visible.

"Oh yeah I'm fine, cats you know?" I pretend to laugh and give her a weak smile.

"Definitely. I have one. He's just a kitten, but God does he scratch. "

She says. Walking up to the mirror beside me and checking how her boobs look from her side profile. I resist the urge to roll my eyes, but I smile and nod.

I grab my bag and walk out of the changing room.

I don't have a cat.