I'm Not Okay, But It's Okay

ButterCup

The bell rings, I quickly grab my book and push through everyone crowding trying to get through the door. I hear Zeke calling my name, but I ignore him and fast-walk to the nurses office. When I get there, I peak in the window and see Levi. He's sitting on a small cot, a juice box in his mouth his leg bouncing.

I'm about to leave, when the nurse comes out. "Hi dear, can I help you?" I shake my head and adjust my strap on my book bag.
"I was just checking on a friend-"

"Oh Levi? You can come in if you'd life, he's been in here for ages, I'm sure he'd love someone to talk to" she beams, fixing her short ginger hear under her nurse hat.

"Uh I don't think he'd want to talk to me" I say, putting my hands behind my back and stabbing my fingers into the back of my hand.

I personally wouldn't have to talk to the person who caused an allergic reaction.
But I guess that's just me.

"I really have to go-" I'm cut off by some kid running towards us, his hands over his mouth. The nurse attention turned to him, and I glanced in the window one more time on my way past, and Levi was looking at me, an expression on his face that I couldn't read.

I walk out of the school doors, my fingers still digging at the back of my hand. My mind racing. Could he have died? It would have been my fault. Oh god. My fault. It was all my fault. I-

"Olive, the car is over here dear" my head whips around, and I notice I'm in the middle of the parking lot. I turn around and see our small black mini van.

I take a deep breath as I walk over, and open the passenger side door. "Hi mamá" I say, sitting in the car, tossing my bag on the ground and closing the door. My mom is beautiful. She has shiny long luscious wavy hair. Bright green eyes. Tan skin. Freckles. Curves.

"Do you mind if we go pick up Daniel? We can go eat then I'll drop you off" she says, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Sure" I look out the window, and watch my high school fade out of view.

"How was your first day of school?"

"Same old" I reply, tapping my fingers against the dash board.

"You forgot to buckle again" she says, turning a corner and pulling into the elementary school.

'Forgot'. Always. I pull the seat belt and clasp it into the buckle.

The door opens and I glance in the back, my little brother walks sits in his seat, shuts his door and buckles.

"See, Daniel knows how to buckle and he's 8" my mom says, smiling at him in for mirror. Mom got custody of Daniel when he was just a baby. 8 years ago mom got knocked up by this random dude and she wasn't able to take care of two kids so the father got custody. A year later, before his first birthday, the father lost all his money gambling and couldn't take care or baby Daniel. By now mom has her life together so Daniel got to move in with us.
Some years later, Daniel is 8 and the funniest charming boy you'll ever ever meet.

Daniel has light milk chocolate skin, big deep brown eyes, a small perky nose. He has soft short black silky curls.

"Hi Olive" he says swinging his feet as the car starts.
"Hey Daniel"
"I learned a new word today"
"Let's here it"
"Motherfuc-"
I burst out laughing, slapping the dashboard.
"Daniel-" Mom gets cut off by her own giggle"- that's not very appropriate at all. Don't say that ever again okay?"

Daniel smiles wide and nods. Looking out the window and starts whispering to himself about who's "fucking who's mother"

I hide my smile, thats definitely my brother. Even if he's only half.

"Mama" Daniel says
"Yes love"
"Someone called me a name today"

My face scrunches. Eyes closed. Please please please please, not that name.

Mom gives me a glance then clears her throat. "Oh? What did it start with Danny?"

He thinks for a minute then says "D".

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. " dumbass?"

"Olive! " mom scolds, as Daniel says "yeah that's it"

"Did you tell a teacher love?"

Daniel shakes his head and looks at his hands. "What did you do then? "

"Nothing. I walked away with Caleb"

Mom smiles and I reach my hand back and run my hands through his soft curls "Good job Danny, that was the right thing to do"

He smiles wide. His white teeth shining.

We get to McDonald's, and I get my usual order. Vanilla milkshake and five chicken nuggets.

"Let me guess. Your gonna wait until your with Eli to eat? " my mom says, handing Daniel his happy meal.

"Like always" I say, putting the paper straw in the cup and taking a long sip.

We get to the big building where Eli's office is. I unbuckle, grab my phone from my book bag and step outside the car.
"Are you good to walk from here or do you need me to pick you up?"

"Zeke and I are supposed to go get ice cream"

"Right. Okay so I'll pick you up?"

I furrow my eye brows "he won't cancel. This has been on our calendar since last week"

"Okay honey, see you"

"BYE OLIVE"

"Bye Daniel"

I've been seeing Eli since my first attempt. So when I was 14. I used to hate going to these therapy sessions. But since then I've asked for more sessions. Eli and I have gotten close over the years. And before you ask, no he's not a pedo and were not fucking. I think of him as a father figure.

How close we are have gotten him in trouble sometimes. We're supposed to have a very professional relationship. We're supposed to meet only in his office and sometimes Tim Hortons. 'Supposed' being the key word in that sentence. Sometimes he picks me up and we go for a drive while talking. He's picked me up before school and takes me to breakfast. We've gone to the arcade, gone bowling the park and such. Which isn't a big deal really. Whenever he can he comes to any award ceremony that the school holds. Even though I never get awards. When I used to do basketball, he came to every game.

Occasionally he takes me and Daniel and mama out. He's more apart of my family then my dad is.

I get to his office and knock on the door, and peak my head in.

"What's up Buttercup"