I'm Not Okay, But It's Okay

Tears

Eli is tall. Pale. Sharp features, a patchy goatee, and dark slicked-back hair. He has tattoos of who knows what on his arms, chest, and back. I only know that cause he got his chest and back ones a year ago and he showed me pictures of how they turned out.

"Very funny" I sing-song, dropping the take out bag on the coffee table in front of the velvet green armchair hes sitting on. He cocks a brow, as I take a seat on the matching love seat opposite him.

"Are these supposed to be yours?" He asks, opening the bag and taking out the nuggets and sauce. I shake my head and play with the straw of my milkshake.

"I already ate" I lie, forcing my attention to the white walls. His office is small. He has the couch im sitting on, beside the chair is a small shiny black mini fridge, he always goes and buys me my favorite snacks and fills it up; Mango juice, salt and vinegar chips, green apples and caramel chocolates. His chair has a desk beside it, always neat and tidy. the coffee table is made of dark wood, and has a glass top which lets you see inside to the little compartment that holds coloring books, journals, cards and board games. One wall is completely covered by a big window that has green curtains. On the windowsill is a bunch of plants. The wall behind me has a bunch of Vinyl records that i've never heard of, and the wall behind him has a bunch of motivational posters.

"Did you now?" He asks, he puts an ankle on his knee tapping his sock-covered ankle. "yup" I lie again "I had a salad"

"McDonalds doesn't sell salads, Ollie, You know that"

I give him a tight lipped smile "I'm saving my hunger for ice cream after this"

His face scrunches and he rolls his eyes.

"What?"

"Ollie, you know I hate him"

"you don't know I'm going with Zeke."

Eli cocks his eyebrow again, sitting back against the couch.

"Okay fine." I cave, opening the nugget container and stealing one "We're gonna go get ice cream"

"Bullshit"

"Language" I joke, taking a bite of the nugget. 

"Seriously Ollie. He's bad for you"

"No he's not. You haven't even met him."

"no, but from what you've been telling me since you started dating the bitch I've come to the conclusion he's bad for you''

"your not my dad." 

It comes out before I can even think. And as soon as I said it I wish I could take it back. God, why can't I think before I say shit like that. What is wrong with you Olive? Your so fucking stupid-

"Hey. Stop that"

I look up from where my gaze drifted to my hands. "Stop what?"

"Stop beating yourself up. I know your doing it. You're biting the inside of your cheek."

Like on cue, I unclench my jaw, and free the inside of my cheek from my bite. Fuck.

"Your right. I'm not your father, but I care about you like your my daughter. I'm just giving my opinion. Its you decision whether you take it or not."

I stay quiet. Refolding my legs, staring at my old beaten up shoes.

"I Just want what's best for you Ollie." He says, taking out a notepad with yellow lined paper inside.

"I know" I croak, my voice breaks, my vision gets clouded and for no reason at all, I start to cry. Its a silent cry. I just kinda sit there, water pouring out of my eyes and sniffle.

"Ollie. Please talk to me" Eli says, gently kicking my foot with his.

"I-I just want s-someone to care about me" My voice breaks again. My breathing get heavier and I start sobbing.

"Olive. you have so many people who care about you. So many." Eli says, passing me a box of tissues. "I care about you. Your mom does. Daniel does. you're friends do."

I blow into a tissue, and toss it into a small trash can. I recross my legs once again and avoid looking Eli in the eye. "I'm sorry"

He furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head a little "For what Ollie?"

"For crying."

He gives me a soft smile and gently kicks my foot again "This is a therapist office, Ol, it's seen many tears"