I'm Not Okay, But It's Okay

Nicotine

Running. God, I love running. I love the wind coming at me at a million miles per hour (yeah, I don't pay attention in Math, sue me). I love the feeling my legs get when I'm done, the burning sensation in my calfs. I love the feeling of my lungs tightening, making me gasp for air. That's why I love gym. That's why I'm never high out of my mind for gym.

After were finished, I don't bother changing and just get my bag and make my way to the library. I walk into the library which is a big building that happens to be right beside of Rosemont High. My worn out converse make a slight tap on the ground as I walk. The librarian looks up from her computer, and gives me a soft smile, I return it and walk up the small spiral staircase to the second floor.

Every day after my fourth period class (gym) the whole school has a 'free period'. Who was the smart ass who thought it was a good idea to give 800 kids a 30 minute in-between classes to do whatever they please? I have no idea, but props to them.

the second story of the library has bookshelves that line floor to ceiling, books tightly crammed against each other. Old shag carpet lining the floor with large oak tables atop it. Large arches hung above the walls, each made of old wooden beams. The smell of old paper wafting through the air.

I take a seat at one of the far oak tables where no ones sitting. I pull out our new history textbook and put my headphones in. I blat my music as I skim the pages of my textbook. Getting a feel for what were learning this year.

In the middle of reading my phone dings.

Mom: Just a reminder, I'm picking you up after school

Me: Why?

Mom: Come on Olive

Me: I'm kidding mom, I can't wait to go to the movies

Mom: Olive.

Me: I know, your picking me up for therapy. I was just messing

Mom: I really don't understand your jokes Oli

Me: Love you too <3

I shake my head, putting my phone in my pocket and going back to my work. When the bell rings twenty minutes later, I grab my stuff, and walk back to the school and have my fifteen minute break.

Again, who's smart idea was it to have an hour lunch, then an hour class, a thirty minute free period then a fifteen minute break? I mean, I'm not complaining. But this school is really shit. Rosemont high is shit. The town of Rosemont just is pure shit.

Rosemont is a small country-based town. And when I say country, I mean country. Like fall fairs and hay rides and all that Gilmore Girls shit. It literally looks like a fairytale spit on the town. Especially in the fall.

Rosemont is located in Ontario Canada. So it gets absolutely freezing from mid November to beginning of April. Which is terrible. I hate the cold. So much.

I walk to my locker and dump my history book inside and replace it with my science one. I get to to my class and take a seat in the far right corner.

I bounce my leg as I twiddle my pencil in-between my thumb and index finger, staring at the rows of empty wood desks in front of me. I don't mind science, Ms. Ambrose is the teacher. Shes actually one of the best teachers. Sometimes when there's assembly's she let's me sit in her room.

I glance at my right hand that's laying on my textbook, scribbled in red marker on my tan hand Is a small butterfly. It's not very detailed, or good to say the least. It's supposed to be a coping mechanism. I draw a butterfly and name it after a loved one. And If I cut, the butterfly dies and I have to wash it off. But, if I don't cut and the ink fades I 'win'. Win what you ask? I have zero fucking clue.

"You like butterfly's?" I turn my head to the boy sitting beside me.
Levi. He's my height. He has fluffy brown hair and deep brown eyes. His nose is small and perfect and looks like a button. Soft freckles litter the bridge of his nose. He's pretty cute. All the girls love him. In my opinion he's nothing compared to Zeke. Speaking of, where is he?

"Eh. They kind of scare me" I admit. Levi arches his brow and I glance to make sure no one else is in here. I dig in my book bag and pull out a vape, take a quick hit and shove it in my book bag.
"First day back and your already trying to get in shit?" Levi asks, stealing my pencil and putting it behind his ear.
I blow the smoke in his face and he takes the vape from me, taking a hit himself and blows circles with the smoke.
"Cotton candy? Are you five?" He turns over the pink device and reads the blue lettering.

"I don't like it much. You can have it" I say, grabbing another pencil.
"Cool thanks" he slips it into his pocket and glances at me.
"What?"
He shrugs, smiling a little.
"Do I have something on my face?"
He shakes his head, and the bell rings. I turn to face the front and realize everyone is already sat in there seat.
How the hell did I not notice that?

I glance around, and in the top left corner of the classroom, I see the back of his head. Zeke. He has short fluffy black hair, grayish blue eyes, pale skin and sharp features. Me and Zeke have been together since April. We said I love you in June. Jewel's doesn't like him much. Well, at all actually. I can't count the times Jewels has told me to break up with him. I've never listened.

I start to stand up, my mind set on saying Hi since I haven't seen him all day. As soon as I'm past the desk, I hear violent coughing, I turn my head and see Levi. He's coughing and bent over.

"Levi, um, are you okay?" I sit back in my seat and hesitantly put my hand on his back.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine" he coughs and wheezes.
"Levi your not fine" I scoff "What's going on-"

"There's an epi pen, front pocket of my book bag, grab it, to my thigh" his speech is all chopped, like he can't breathe.
I grab his bookbag, open the small pocket and pull out what looks like an oversized pen. I take the lid thing off the blue side, and then hold it to his thigh.
"I-I don't want to hurt you, can-" he takes my hand and wraps it around the pen and pushes.

My eyes go wide and he holds my hand there for four seconds, then he let's go and it falls to the floor. I sit there. In utter shock. My brain not registering what just happened. I blink rapidly.

The teacher walks in "Notebooks out" she says sitting at her desk and turning on the smart board.
I glance at Levi, who has his head down and he's tapping his fingers one by one on his thumb.
Levi clears his throat then goes up to the teacher, I watch them have a conversation, and see her face turn to concern. She nods and Levi comes back, gives me a tight lipped smile and grabs his bag and leaves.

I reach down and grab the epi pen and read the label-

"Oh fuck" I curse under my breath, reading the label.

Nicotine