Journey

07: Cherish (O)

Foggy memories.

They fragment, spread far away from my reach; yet, I feel an intense desire to reach out. It's possible that I won't be able to grab them ever again, it's possible that I won't be able to cherish these memories with the same amount of love and happiness ever again.

However, dwelling on the past won't do anything.

Knowing Hussaiba, she's probably clinging onto the faint hopes that things can go back to the way they used to be. She's probably using that naïve belief as her final lifeline, even if she completely acknowledges that it's an impossible scenario.

Dwelling on the past won't do anything. Things will never go back to how they were before. We were just children back then, but now we're teenagers, adults.

No matter how much she tries to run away from it, she has to accept the truth one day: we've grown up.

My eyelids slowly shimmer open to the awakening of another brand new morning. However, unlike others, this morning carries a strange aura of discomfort and disregard; it's like it carries an unusual veil of chaos, an unfamiliar ambience.

And then, the realisation hits. The sun is in the west - it's evening already.

"Oh, you're awake, Omar."

Nurse Mary.

As my clouded vision gradually clears, I start to glance around the room, taking note of what exactly is going on: I'm no longer in my own hospital dorm, but rather situated in another room which carries a completely different character - this one representing a more serious, more frightening impression.

"I found you passed out on your bed last night... and you'd coughed up a handful of blood, again."

"Where... am I?" I try to reply to Nurse Mary, but my voice feels croaky and brittle to the point where I'm not even sure if Nurse Mary could hear me - not just that, but just opening my mouth hurts, as if a rabid pack of mosquitoes were attacking the insides of my mouth.

"I think it's best you don't speak for now," Nurse Mary advised before taking a short pause as she spoke again, "your injuries are... pretty bad. Doctor Sinclair and I thought we had everything under control, but it seems that's clearly not the case. You're in the ICU right now, Omar."

Nurse Mary's gentle voice contrasts sharply with the sheer disbelief coursing through my veins. Could coughing up blood really lead to this level of immobilization? If so, this isn't looking good for me...

"B-But... does that mean..." I try to ask, but my question is cut short as blood spills from my mouth once again. Almost as if on cue, Nurse Mary immediately snatches off a handkerchief from the table, then wipes off the blood on my mouth before it can spill down.

"Yes. It does mean that, Omar. I'm sorry..."

I feel my face turn an alarming shade of pale. My entire being freezes for a moment, and my mind races rapidly with unnerving thoughts. If this were to really happen... if this is going to happen...

I glance at Nurse Mary, hoping she can understand my unspoken questions. "Don't worry," she reassures me. "Hussaiba hasn't been told about it yet. After all, she's starting school again tomorrow after the break. We wouldn't want her losing her composure then, would we?"

A sigh of relief escapes me. It's best that Hussaiba remains ignorant of what needs to happen. If she found out, it would bring panic not only to herself but also to me. I wouldn't be able to stay calm when the time comes, and that could lead to everything going wrong, like a chemical reaction gone awry.

"However, she does need to know soon. If we don't tell her, she will find out eventually either way. After all, she's been visiting you everyday, hasn't she?"