˗ˏˋ 🍂 'ˎ˗ 𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 ─── Bella and Evelyn have been dating for over eight months, living in a cozy apartment in the middle of London. With a job like theirs, Bella is often away, giving Evelyn a lot of time to kill. When Bella is offered a l...
"Do you think it's weird that there's like no proof of your existence on Bella's social media?" Rain asks me. Alora has gotten the three of us together to have a 'much needed' girls day. "What do you mean?" My brows furrow a bit as I readjust myself in the chair I'm sitting on. Our current stop is at a local coffee shop, and all three of us have just ordered. "Well, before Lora told me about you and Bella, I never even knew they weren't single." Alora listents intently, and my mind processes the new nickname for Alora while thinking of an answer. "I'm just not the social media type." I shrug, raising my shoulders right before dropping them. "But like- they've never even mentioned you either. No interview, tweet, story. I believe there is even an interview in which they say they're 'happily single'."
"Happily single?" My brows furrow even more, confused at the last statement. "Yeah I swear I read that somewhere, hold up let me look it up for you." Rain says, excusing herself and grabbing her phone out of her pocket. Under the table, Alora finds my hand and holds it as a reassuring gesture. I give her a soft smile, which she reciprocates right away. "Here it is!" She holds out her phone, practically shoving it into my face. As soon as I'm able to focus my eyes, I read the part her pointer finger is guiding me to. I feel my stomach drop as soon as I've made my way to the last sentence. I try to keep myself together, ot wanting to break down in front of a possible new friend. "I'll talk to them about it." I shrug, letting out a soft sigh to pretend I don't care, but I do. Every single person I'm in contact with knows about Bella, I try to involve their existence in almost every conversation, to the point where it gets annoying. I never knew they were so private about me, and I have absolutely no idea as to why they would call themself single, even though we're so happy together.
I zone myself out as the conversation continues about some irrelevant subject I have no interest in at all. After our talk the other day, I went straight to bed to avoid having to talk to Bella as soon as they came home. I knew they needed their space, and I am very respectful about things like that. This morning during breakfast, we barely even said two words to each other, causing me to become more and more anxious about everything going on between us. All I have been able to do in order for me to get this 'fight' out of my system, is write out all of my thoughts, and processing these into the novel I'm writing. At this point, it is the only thing I can do to calm myself down in the slightest. So as soon as that stops working, I guess I have no choice but to tell Alora. I'm normally very open about my relationship with Bella to her, but this argument feels more scary, more real. There were even thoughts about this being the end of our relationship crossing my mind last night, which freaked me the fuck out. I hate not being able to talk to Bella, as they aren't just my partner, but also my best friend.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
It's a Friday night, and I can't help but miss Bella, even though they're sitting just a few feet away from me, typing away on their laptop. With no idea as to what they're doing, I lay down on the couch, and put on an old Brooklyn 99 episode on the television. Since I know this is our show, I'm hoping that by putting it on they might be able to take a little break from our argument to come and snuggle. As the theme song plays, Bella glances up from their screen, before moving their gaze over to me. They let out a soft sigh as they realise what I'm doing. They glance at their laptop again, before slowly closing it. I can tell from the expression on their face that Bella needs this just as much as I do. They walk over to me, climbing on the couch I'm currently lying on. As soon as they get into a comfortable position around me, they wrap their arms around me, and for the first time in over a week, it feels like us again.
We spend over two hours watching our comfort show, only taking breaks to grab snacks and drinks. Bella's arm doesn't leave my waist, making me feel more loved than ever. The unspoken heat is still there though, and even though we are both trying our hardest to put it aside for tonight, I can still feel it. I choose to ignore it, wanting to enjoy this time with my partner. In some weird way, this feels like a last. A last as in that this will be the last time both of us will be in a likewise position and setting, just enjoying simple things together. There's another feeling that entered my gut a few days ago, one that I have learned to identify as dread.
"Why don't you want to come to Canada with me?" Bella asks sometime during the season finale that's playing. "Like, putting family, friends and your job aside. Why is it not enough to just be with me?" They ask in a soft tone, clearly not wanting to start a fight. "I guess a part of me is afraid." I sigh, still feeling very comfortable with Bella's arms around me. I can't see them right now, but I can feel the frown appearing on their face as the silence gets louder and louder. "I'm afraid of being left with nothing, of ending up alone." I purse my lips together, pressing pause on the remote to stop the background noise. "I won't leave you, Ev." Bella tries to reassure me, grabbing a hold of my hand now. "I want to believe you, Bell. Trust me, I do." I let out another sigh, mentally preparing myself for the conversation ahead of us. "But there's still an uncertain part of me, telling me that everything I have built- we have built in the past months, could all go to waste within a matter of seconds." I try my best to explain my line of thoughts to them, not sure if it makes any sense at all. I can feel them nodding their head against me. "I know about what you've been through, Ev. I'm just telling you it doesn't have to be like that." Bella tries, and I can feel their warm breath in my neck. They press a small kiss on the back of my head, causing my heart to flutter.
"I'll stay." They try, and I can feel my body begin to decay in an emotional way. "I wish it was that easy, but there will forever be a part of me that won't believe you." I close my eyes as I speak, afraid of what might follow after this conversation. "I just-" Bella starts, having trouble with finding the right words. "I just don't know how to help, or how to fix it." They sound frustrated, and I really, really feel for them. "Sometimes help isn't possible, Bella." I feel my voice starting to tremble, and I now have to try my absolute hardest to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. "But- but there has to be a way." They continue, and I can feel their voice becoming more and more unstable with each word as they sit up, leaving me with nothing but the coldness of their absence. I lay my hand on their cheek as I sit up too, wanting to do everything within my power to stop their tears from flowing. "It's okay." I whisper, looking at them with sympathetic eyes. "We all have our defects." I say, thinking back about what happened earlier this week. They frown again, unsure as to what I'm referring to.
"You don't post about me, or talk about me. Like ever. That's a part of you I have to learn to accept, as I'm like the most open person ever when it comes to the things I love and the important people in my life. All I'm asking is for you to accept the fact that I have commitment issues due to my past, causing me to have to stay here, in England." I take a huge breath, not ever having imagined me ever saying any of that out loud, to Bella. The tears have started to form now, and I fail wiping all of them away with my free hand, so I pull away my other hand from Bella's cheek to make sure they don't overthink my tears. "I-" They seem to be processing what I just said. "I'm sorry for being secretive about us, but I just like to keep the things that matter to myself, to keep those two worlds of media and private as far apart as possible." They explain, shaking their head out of frustration while doing so. I take their hands in mine. "And I will learn to be okay with that." I promise them, looking straight into their eyes. "I will try my best too, then." They nod, squeezing my hands softly. "I just don't want to lose you." Bella's voice begins to tremble even more than before. "Come here." I sigh as I pull them in for a much needed hug. We just stand there for a few minutes, and it feels as if the only thing that matters right now, is each other's warm embrace.
