How Could I Let Go of Something I Hold So Dearly?

Chapter 15 - Am I Really Happy?

Y/n's POV:

Ok, so maybe being with Brad wasn't the best thing in the world. But he was still sweet and caring. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that I guess I was starting to get a little bored of him. That and the fact that all of our dates started consisting of us going to his football games. I had gotten to school one day with Brad waiting for me by my locker.

"Oh, babe, great. So, I'm having the huge playoff game this week Thursday, you coming?" He asked, not before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Ugh, no, this Thursday?" I groaned and repeated. He nodded and his face dropped a bit. "I wish I could but I have drama this Thursday after school,"

"Well no worries, as long as you show up. Game starts at 7! Thanks, babe," He says, giving my lips a quick peck before running off. I sigh and smile softly. I lean my head against my closed locker and let out a small groan.

"You ok, L?" I hear a voice behind me. I jump and turn around to see it was Peter and smile half-heartedly.

"Fine, just tired," I shrug. "How was it last night with JJ the notorious and her new girlfriend?" I joke, holding one of my backpack straps.

"You have no idea how annoying it is to hear them drone on about how gay they are," Peter rolls his eyes.

"Woah there, Parker. That seems pretty homophobic. Don't let JJ catch you saying that or she might wring your neck," I chuckle.

"Eh, she'll get over it once she gazes into Wanda's eyes," he jokes. I start to giggle softly again and he walks a bit closer to me. "I missed that laugh," He said with a soft smile.

"I missed all your corny jokes," I smile brightly. We just smile at each other for a few seconds. Could I still... No, no way. I'm with Brad. I love Brad. Right? But Brad wasn't the one who knew everything about me like Peter did. Brad wasn't the one who gave me butterflies whenever he gave me a kiss. Brad didn't even get along with my friends. Was Brad just my...rebound? I shake away the thought and clear my throat and turn to open my locker. Peter walks to his locker which was next to mine and follows suit.

"So, how's Brad?" Peter asks, grabbing some books from his locker. Peter's never asked me about Brad before. He really seemed like he was different now. Not in a bad way but in a back-to-himself way.

"Oh, he's great," I smile. "I'm actually going to his big playoff game this Thursday." Peter raised an eyebrow at me in confusion.

"Thursday? But don't you have drama on Thursday after school?" He asked. I was surprised to hear him say that. I would've thought that after all this time he would've mostly forgotten about things like that. I know I did. I pushed the memories of Peter so far down until they didn't exist anymore so I wouldn't hurt.

"Oh, uhh, yea, but he kinda wants me to be there," I shrug but then ask. "You really remembered that after all this time?"

"I remember everything about us. From the very beginning to now. I'd never forget anything as important as that. As important as you," He says, slipping his hands in his pockets and looking down at the ground a couple of times. I blush a bit as he says this and close my locker just when the bell rings.

"Well, uh, I-I'll see you at lunch, Peter," I say sweetly, walking off to my first period.

"See you later, Y/n." I hear him call.

During my first few classes all I could think about was Peter and Brad. Was I really in love with Peter? Or was it Brad? Did I make Brad my rebound because I was so hurt by what happened with me and Peter? Should I break up with Brad? Did I even love him in the first place? I break from my thoughts as I go to my locker to get my lunch and Brianna comes up to me.

"You good, dude?" She asks with a bit of concern.

"Yea, I'm just thinking.." I mumble grabbing my lunch box and the rest of my afternoon supplies.

"About?" She says, crossing her arms.

"Brad."

"Gross."

"And Peter."

"Oh, that's new," Brianna says in a surprised tone, uncrossing her arms as she walks with me to the cafeteria.

"Yea, I know," I say, adjusting my book bag straps. "I just... I don't know, I've just been having some second thoughts about him," I explain.

"You like Peter now?" She asks.

"No?" I say, a bit unsure. "I don't know, man. I just can't stop thinking about what he said this morning. He told me that he never forgot anything about our relationship."

"Is that supposed to mean something?"

I stop walking for a second and look at Brianna with a dull expression.

"Yes, it means something!" I say throwing up my hands. "It means that he never stops thinking about us."

"Wouldn't have guessed that. I'm not into the whole lovey-dovey shit."

"Not exactly new information," I mumble. "Anyway, the point is that he obviously still has feelings for me and I think I might still have feelings for him."

"But what about Brad?"

"That's the thing. I don't know. It's like him and I just don't work. He's sweet and cute, but I just don't feel the same way I do when I'm with Peter. He doesn't really know anything about me. He doesn't get along with any of you guys-"

"Mostly because we told you we hate his guts," Brianna interjects. I roll my eyes and continue.

"And, now, I feel like everytime we go out it's so I can watch his stupid football games."

"Ok, I may not know a lot about relationships, but even I know that's a red flag," She says pointedly as we walk through the doors of the cafeteria.

"I know right!" I exclaim. "But I don't wanna break up with him because he was so sweet to me when I was still hurt about Peter and I couldn't thank him enough for that," I say a bit saddened, as we make it to our usual lunch table and sit down.

"Look, I'm not good with this stuff, so just do whatever you think is best," Brianna shrugs. I groan and let my head fall onto the table with a thud. Just then I hear footsteps coming toward the table.

"She dead?" A voice who I thought was Kayah said.

"Think so," Brianna says.

"What's wrong, hun?" Another voice I thought to be Asher says sweetly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"You ok, sis?" The voice who I assumed was Breanna said. I finally lifted my head to see Kayah, Asher, Breanna, and JJ had sat down at the table. I explained to them what happened after some time.

"Gurl, break up with Brad," Asher says.

"Yea, you seem happier with Peter. Even though he was an asshole for a little while," Breanna admits.

"Agreed. Peter was a huge jerk. But, you should do what makes you happy," Kayah says, patting my shoulder.

"Exactly, doing what you think is best is what's most important. If you think you should be with Peter, then be with him. If you think you should be with Brad, then stay with Brad," JJ smiles.

"Thanks, guys. It's good to know you have my back," I smile brightly.

"Always" Brianna says, patting my back.

The next few days went by in a blur. And the next week I found myself still indecisive of whether I should stay with Brad or get back together with Peter. Sure, he was horrible before but it really seems like he's changed now. He seems better now. Maybe he has changed. Or maybe he hasn't and was just fronting. Regardless, I was still getting sick of Brad. If anything I might just break up with him and stay single for a while.